Dear Agent,
Not
many women are magicians in 1870s Paris, but that doesn’t stop Valentina
Gianetti--until the day her father is killed onstage. She abandons her dreams
to find his killer, and soon finds herself entangled in an underground society
of spectacular performers that are much more than they seem.
Helping
Valentina in her quest are the honest, Daire O’Flynn and not so-honest, Cooper
Mathers. The three follow new leads to old murders, uncovering family secrets,
and discovering a conspiracy that transformed a government and removed a king.
As Valentina moves in on the truth, she becomes the killer’s next target. With
her life, and the lives of those she cares about in jeopardy, she devises a
plan she expects will bring due justice. The last thing she expects is to fall
in love.
The
Magician’s Daughter is an NA Historical Mystery, complete at 92,000 words.
Readers who enjoyed The Historian, The Night Circus, and The Thirteenth Tale
will appreciate this novel.
I’m
a technical writer by day and an aspiring author by night with an unhealthy
addiction to the BBC.
Thank
you for your interest,
D.R.
THE
MAGICIAN'S DAUGHTER
The Eve of Vienna – 1871
The custard of the small fruit tart gently jiggled with
the rumbling of the train. I was hypnotized by its slight vibration, if
only to distract myself from what I soon faced. The tranquility of my
private carriage lulled me into a moment of calm. I lit the small candle
poking from the tart’s middle and closed my eyes.
“Happy birthday, Mama.” The flame extinguished
before I could take a breath to blow it out. I smiled. I didn’t
have to turn around to see him standing in the doorway, though he made no
sound. Sterling Caindale was, after all, the best magician in Europe.
“I’ve practiced the three acts so many times I could
perform them with my eyes closed.”
“Good girl.” He smiled, the wrinkles around his
eyes deepening. I couldn’t ignore the sad look in his eyes. I wondered
what he kept from me. It wasn’t only his growing paranoia that tipped me
off, but the way he became more and more distracted during his performances,
almost expecting an interruption.
“I have a gift for
you,” he said, producing a small red flower between his fingers and presenting
it to me. The instant that my fingertips brushed against its stem, the
flower disappeared, and in its place, hung a gold necklace with a simple red
pendant.
“It’s
beautiful. Thank you, Father.” His eyes twinkled. I knew he
appreciated the term.
13 comments:
I can already tell I would like to read more.
I love this title - intriguing from the start.
I want to know how good she is at magic. I love that she is a magician even though she is a girl! And the idea of murders among magicians sounds like a fun and fantastic time!
I'm intrigued and would definitely read more!
Great work!
AA
This is intriguing and your descriptions are hypnotizing. If I were an agent, I would request your first chapter as I'm sure it would be very exciting.
Yes, this does remind me of Night Circus so kudos on that! I'd request more because I love historical novels with secret societies in them and murder? I'm in! I'd request pages, probably the full manuscript because I couldn't wait to read this. Stellar writing too! Good luck!
I'm a sucker for nineteenth century anything, so I like this premise a great deal. I can't quite tell from the genre and comp titles if the magic here is real or only illusory? Also, I thought the opening scene was beautifully written, but it didn't have much sense of tension or conflict to pull me onward. I'd be much more interested closer to her performance (and I say this as someone who nearly always starts too early . . .)
I like your premise, but your query needs work. Don't open with 'not many'. Make it about your character. Try 'VG is the only woman magician in 1870 Paris'
See the difference?
Like your words. I would read more. But I don't love your first paragraph.
This is so evocative, right from the first line. I can instantly see the fruit tart jiggling, and as I read on I could picture the entire scene so easily. Great job capturing my attention right away. Sounds like a rip-roaring adventure – wish I could keep reading!
I second Mike's comments above. I would like the query to focus on your main character more -- and right away. Otherwise, fantastic job and I really don't have any criticisms of the query or your writing sample. Good luck to you.
We'll done. I agree with Mike on the opening.
I love how "his English accent sounded like home."
I expect to see this on the shelves soon.
I agree with the commenters above. This is chock full of intrigue and leaves me with a feeling of . . . what? I don't get to read more?
Well done!
Love your first page, very intriguing, and the father and daughter come off as very sympathetic characters, so you immediately feel for them, knowing that tragedy is on the way. Good luck with this!
Your query is great-- "Helping Valentina in her quest are the honest, Daire O’Flynn and not so-honest, Cooper Mathers." Lines like that are just brilliant-- very well put together.
Your page was good, but I'd like to see at least a promise of more tension very soon-- maybe start us closer to her performance? So we know it's going to be in the next few pages? I'd read on anyway, so maybe I'm just being picky, haha.
Query:
This is an interesting concept. I love that your MC is a professional show-biz girl in the late 1800’s.
Good, concise query. And I love your comps. They give me the perfect feel for your book. (Just capitalize them, please.)
Throw away phrases like “an unhealthy addiction to the BBC” are perfect in your bio paragraph and that phrase specifically, will coax a smile from many an agent.
Pages:
I like your setting, but the dialogue isn’t working for me. It’s a little stilted and tells me too much. The line “I’ve practiced the three acts…” doesn’t sound natural. Even for a period piece. The father knows how many acts they have. That’s not for his benefit, that’s for the reader’s. And, honestly, the reader’s don’t need that much help. They’ll catch on.
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