I'm not sure what to say right now. I keep logging on to Twitter, scrolling through my feed, getting sad/tired/upset, and logging back out. I can't deal with the world right now, not its hatred, not its violence, not its nastiness.
In some ways, I feel like an outsider looking in. I didn't vote for Mr. Trump, but I didn't vote for Ms. Clinton, either. As a compassionate conservative, I feared--and still fear--a Trump presidency, but I couldn't get behind enough of Ms. Clinton's policies to really get behind her. Add to that the fact that I think they're both compulsive liars who've broken several major laws, and the last thing I wanted to do was give either one my vote. But I'm still in disbelief. I'm still mourning what I thought was the greater of two unhappy outcomes. I'm still sad/tired/upset.
Where are we supposed to go from here? I thought Ms. Clinton's concession speech and President Obama's come-to-Lincoln moment were noble and inspiring, and even Mr. Trump's victory lap was more gracious than I thought it would be. But that hasn't seemed to make one speck of difference on the ground. Xenophobes are jeering. Protesters are marching. Racists are being racist. (I'm trying to construct a time machine and skip ahead to 2020, but science was never my best subject.)
I'm disappointed in my country, which I think made the wrong choice. I'm disappointed in my state, which had a historic opportunity to reject both major-party candidates and vote for real change. (In the end, we voted for the guy everyone thought we would vote for, the guy who's been saying about Muslims what Governor Boggs said about many of our ancestors when, in 1838, Missouri legalized the wholesale killing of Mormons.) And I'm disappointed by the vitriol that's still flying back and forth. President Obama said we weren't Republicans or Democrats but Americans first.
To be honest, I'm not sure that's true.
I don't know where I'm going with this. I don't know why I'm even writing it. I guess I just want to say we can't keep going as we have. We have to change our hearts and minds if we ever hope to be one nation, or someday, we will fall apart.