Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Lady's Laughables

Kids are funny. Lady*, my six-year-old, is downright hilarious. Her outlook on life is, shall we say, unique, and she has this growly voice that makes everything she says doubly amusing. Below are some of her best lines (and some of I-gots's and Monster's, too):

Lady: "Those two cars are faster than a massive sandwich."

Lady: "Daddy, your hair looks like a grandma."

Monster (my three-year-old, after Lady jostled him, quoting Hercules): "Hey, I'm walking here!"

Lady: "This is my first time to finish a real, live piece of cake." (It wasn't.)

Lady (on the verge of tears, after breaking her three-dollar fairy wand): "Will I never cast another spell?"

Me: "You need to clean those toys up sometime between now and dinner."
Lady: "Okay, I'll do it later."
Me (a little later): "Lady, did you clean up those toys?"
Lady (rolling her eyes, quoting The Princess and the Frog): "Mom, when a woman says later, she really means never."

Lady: "Um, Daddy? Monster read my mind. I was just thinking, 'Let's play catch,' and then he said that!"

I-gots (my eight-year-old): "Did you know your heart actually looks gross? They don't look like the hearts we draw on Valentine's Day. If I ever saw a real heart, I think I would barf."

Lady (eyeing Honey Bear's nose hairs): "Daddy, is that a spider in your nose?"

I-gots: "I love Thanksgiving. For dessert, we get to eat pumpkin pie! I don't really remember what it tastes like, but all pies are delicious."
Lady: "It tastes like pumpkin."
I-gots: "No, it doesn't. That would be disgusting."

Happy Thanksgiving!

*Not her real name. Not any of their real names, as a matter of fact, but I'm sure you figured that out:)

Friday, November 13, 2015


To complement the Goodreads giveaway still going on for DON'T VOTE FOR ME, I'm giving away one signed copy of THE SOUND OF LIFE AND EVERYTHING and one signed copy of DON'T VOTE FOR ME right here on the blog. To enter, leave a comment below and tell me if you want to win THE SOUND OF LIFE AND EVERYTHING, DON'T VOTE FOR ME, or both. (I'll do two separate drawings, but you can enter both if you want to, which means it will be possible for one person to win both books.) Since I'll have to mail two of the copies currently sitting on my dresser, this contest is open to U.S. residents only (sorry!) and closes in three weeks, on Thursday, December 3, at 11:59 p.m. EST (or 8:59 p.m. PST). I'll announce the winners the next day!