Monday, May 20, 2013

Team Krista #4: WISHING

Title: WISHING
Genre: YA contemporary fantasy
Word count: 76,000

Query:

Seventeen-year-old Mona Mayhem wants to be the first of many generations to venture beyond her enchanted family orchard and the evergreens that fill her with an endless supply of magic. She hopes that after leaving for college, her magic will stay home and she won't be a freak anymore.

To finance her new life, Mona sells her magic. People buy it to change themselves: new noses, smaller feet, bigger boobs. Then ex-con Buzz Morelli buys a new face to break parole. He robs a bank and a young boy winds up in a coma. Mona resolves to travel to the hospital a hundred miles away to fix the boy, but first she has to get through Buzz, who wants another new face. Mona manages to escape with the help of Buzz's inscrutable son Leo, whose motives are as confusing as the attraction growing between them. But as the consequences of leaving pile up, Mona finds that fixing her mistakes--and even staying alive--will not only hinge on trusting Leo, but learning to love herself.

First Page:

The man sitting across from me on the faded motel bedspread wants a complete overhaul. New nose and chin, brown eyes to blue, different color hair. He also wants new fingerprints, which means he must have gotten into something deep. New fingerprints are steep.

“I always thought I'd look good as a blond.” The man runs a hand through his graying hair. “Can you do it, Genie?”

He has this weird way of jutting his chin forward like a chicken on the last word of his sentences, so Genie comes out pretty strong, which ticks me off. I hate it when people call me that. My name is Mona, and I'm not a genie.

I'm about to bite his head off when Dad, who's sitting next to me on the couch, jumps in. “Of course she can, Buzz. But fingerprints'll cost you extra.”

Dad's the one who started calling me Genie, and while I'm not crazy about it, I shouldn't complain. It draws the clients, after all.

“What? I'm already paying you too much. She's a kid,” says Buzz.

“I'm not a kid, I'm seventeen.” This guy is a real charmer. Where does Dad find these people?

“A kid who can change your life,” Dad says. He squeezes my knee and glowers underneath a pasted-on smile, telling me not to wreck it. He's right, I shouldn't be so defensive. But I'm tired and I have a calculus test in the morning. Let's get on with it.

18 comments:

Marieke said...

I love how this is such a quintessential YA concept, in wonderfully magical new clothes. Great job! Good luck!

Noelle Henry said...

This is a FABULOUS concept! I love it! Your writing really shines through in both the query and the opening words. You've definitely got that 'spark'. AWESOME job! Good luck!

michelleimason said...

I love the contrast with the magic and real life, especially the line about the calculus test. Good luck!

Copernicus Nerdicus said...

I love the premise here, and your voice is so powerful it draws me right in. Good luck!

Jenny Kaczorowski said...

THIS is what contemp fantasy should be! A perfect melding of the ordinary and the fantastic. Great stakes and a solid voice. Good luck!

Ashley Turcotte said...

You have a fantastic voice in your opening, and I just love this concept. Good luck in the contest! And go Team Krista!

Jennie Bailey said...

Wow - just WOW! I love this concept and your first 250 are SO strong!! Excellent job!

ilima said...

This sounds so so good!

L. T. Host said...

Fascinating! I want to read more! Good luck :)

Laura said...

SUCH a unique idea. I feel like magic in YA is overdone, but then I see this and get hooked and think, "I'd totally read this."

And I love the voice in your first 250!

Emily said...

I LOVE this beginning. The voice, the perfect world-building and the perfect set up. I WANT to keep reading!!!

Jessie Oliveros said...

What a great spin on magic...selling it! Good luck and go Team Krista!

mysticcooking said...

Your voice in the first 250 is spot on, and I just love the premise - such a refreshing take on magic use!

Ammi-Joan Paquette said...

This is fun! I'd love to read more.

Christa Heschke said...

Sounds interesting. I want this!

Caryn Wiseman said...

I'd love to see this!

Monika Verma said...

Great voice -- I would love to read more!

Monika

Anonymous said...

You've been ninja'd! I would love to see a pitch, one-page synopsis, and the first fifty pages. Please send it as a word attachment to...(contact Krista/Brenda for further details!). Looking forward to reading your work :)

--RED NINJA