Monday, May 20, 2013

Team Krista #6: LUMINARY

Title: LUMINARY
Genre: YA fantasy
Word count: 91,000

Query:

Seventeen-year-old Caya Filar, like everyone else in her city, sees only in grayscale. Colors exist as magical energy, once worked by Luminaries like her father. But colors became something to fear when a prince, terrified of the magic he couldn’t see, slaughtered the Luminaries and stole the king’s throne.

Now little better than an outcast, Caya steers clear of the king's guards. She knows they’re eager for any excuse to brand her a Luminary and execute her, whether she can see color or not. And there’s no chance of leaving the city with guards patrolling the walls, murdering anyone who tries to flee. Keeping her head down, she works in a shop to feed her family--at least until the shopkeeper's son proposes. His respectable name might help her overcome the stigma left by her father's Luminary magic.

If only the stone in her engagement ring had stayed gray.

First page:

Every day as I left for work, Avara tried to make me feel guilty. It was our daily routine. Socialites don’t work in shops--not even former socialites. Never mind that she only ate because I was earning a wage.

I kept my head high and my shoulders back as I made my way to the grand foyer, waiting for her usual sound of disgust. Sure enough, I was only about halfway down the curved staircase when it came. “Stubborn as ever,” she said softly, leaning against the doorframe of the parlor, arms crossed over her stomach.  

“Not stubborn.” After months of the same argument, my voice came out flat and disinterested. “Just not in favor of starving to death.”

“You’re making things worse. You have to see that.”

“Yes, because so many people were clamoring to marry us before I took a job.”

She glared at me. No matter how many times I used the line, she had no response. Yet she still picked the fight, pretending nothing had changed in the six years since King Elun stole the throne.

The uprising happened the night of Avara’s debut ball, ruining her plan to be betrothed by midnight. She’d known Elun’s guards were coming for our father, hunting down anyone who could see the colors of magic. But all she’d cared about was getting a ring on her finger, no matter the cost.

If she hadn’t argued for so long, we probably all would’ve gotten out of the city alive.

16 comments:

Marieke said...

I still love the dialogue between the two sisters! Your concept is so intriguing too. Good luck!

michelleimason said...

Ooh, I love the last line of the query and of the first 250. Good luck!

Noelle Henry said...

Wow. I love the concept of fearing color and only seeing in grayscale. Very unique! And even though it's fantasy, you've brought in some great realism here by opening with the conflict between sisters. That's something that everyone can relate to. Well done! Good luck!

Copernicus Nerdicus said...

The comic book colorist in me is calling out for this book. Concept sounds AWESOME - love it! Good luck!

Veronica Bartles said...

I LOVE this story!!! Fingers and toes crossed for you! Good Luck!! :D

Rachel said...

Such a great premise! Can't wait to read this one!

Jenny Kaczorowski said...

I love, love, love your concept (seriously, if you ever need a reader, please look me up!) and the sister dynamic is pitch perfect. Good luck!

Jennie Bailey said...

"If only the stone in her engagement ring had stayed gray." - This is an amazing way to end the query. So powerful. Love your first 250! Good luck!

Lucas said...

Oh yeah! The closing line of the query = genius. All the luck!

Jessie Oliveros said...

Your query was great before, but now I really feel like the whole thing has the same bang as that last line. This is one of my favorites and I'm rooting for it!

Laura said...

This is one of the most original concepts I've seen, and I'm intrigued to see how it plays out. Rock on, Team Krista!

L. T. Host said...

Love love love this! Good luck! :)

mysticcooking said...

Yay! I'm so glad you're on Team Krista because I really like your story idea - you had me hooked at the dramatic query conclusion. So good!

J Larkin said...

I read your entry yesterday, and have been thinking about it ever since. I NEED to read this book. Like, today. I can't wait to see it in stores!

Tina Wexler said...

Oh, wow! Count this as a vote from me.

@tina_wexler

Monika Verma said...

This concept is terrific. Would love to read more!

Monika