Wednesday, October 26, 2016

An Agent's Inbox #21

Dear Agent:

Sixteen-year-old Hikala is an Inhikiod, one of the winged race who live high in their mountain cavern hives, never bothering to look down. Her life is flying the skies and competing in the Inhikiod flying competitions. After a reckless flying challenge injures a higher-ranking Inhikiod, she’s banished to the planet’s surface for a year, forbidden to fly.

Never having set foot on the surface, Hikala struggles to enmesh herself with the indigenous, non-winged Dawk--a race enslaved by the Inhikiod millennia ago. Only knowing the Dawk as servants in her hive, Hikala fights their hatred with the help of Tid, a Dawk who sees her as more than just an Inhikiod. He teaches Hikala fighting skills and helps her navigate the surface challenges of Aardee's bi-annual flooding and its vicious predators.

But as their friendship grows, so do the rumblings of a revolution. The Dawk want Hikala to become a linchpin in their fight to free themselves from their Inhikiod masters. But if Hikala stays to help the Dawk, to be accepted she must give up flying forever, ripping out her soul. If she returns home, she’ll break Tid’s heart and abandon her new friends to the vengeance of the Inhikiod.

Complete at 96,000 words, FIRST5, is young adult epic fantasy in the vein of James Cameron’s Avatar that will capture readers’ imaginations right from the start. It is a stand-alone with series potential. If you’re interested, I am happy to send you the completed manuscript.



Cradled by wind and sunlight, Hikala spun through the sky, a mirror to Sarwa’s flight. With a final triple flip, her blue and his violet wings joined together, ending their doubles sky dance with a colorful flourish. Reluctant to release all that freedom, Hikala floated on her back and screamed her elation to the sky, blue wings cupping the air beneath her. Sarwa only laughed in response, a wide lopsided grin spread across his face. He rarely expressed his joy as unabashedly as she did.

Hikala sighed, thinking the same thought she always did after every perfect sky dance. I want to forget the world and keep flying with Sarwa forever. But they had finished their doubles routine and needed to return inside for their score. Sarwa offered his hand which Hikala reluctantly took as they flew together to the King’s landing pad, the staging platform for this year’s Inhikiod Games. As they landed on the entrance platform to the huge cavern, raucous cheers erupted, surrounding them like a blanket. Hand in hand, Hikala and Sarwa strode across the stone floor while observers trailed behind them. Others touched them as they passed, awe and amazement reflected in their eyes.

From the silence of their dance and the whisper of their wings, the inside noise buffeted Hikala, heightening her sense of elation. With her wings tight to her back and twitching with excitement, she walked to the awards area to wait for the announcement of the winners.


The Agent said...

I am likely the only person in the entire world that did not love Avatar, so this is definitely a mismatch. I apologize.

Susan Thumm Paxton said...

I'm not an epic fantasy fan but I think your query is very well written.
In the first 250 words, I loved the first paragraph--beautiful writing. I'd like to see characters engage in dialogue in the next few paragraphs.

Jessi said...

Also not a fan of Avatar, but I found this query intriguing. I'd definitely love to read more. Like Susan, I wished for more dialogue/character engagement past the first paragraph of the sample.

Candace Davenport said...

Thanks for your comments! And despite being a bummer, Mr./Ms. Agent and Jessi, no apologies for not liking Avatar. That kind of subjective feeling is why one person gushes over a book when you can't even get through the first half! And it really is only like Avatar in that it takes place on a fictional world with fictional creatures (not so much the story) maybe I need to re-think my comp.

Epic fantasy is not for everyone, so I'm appreciative you enjoyed the writing. Thanks for the suggestion of the dialog. It actually starts almost following the end of the 250 words. I'll look to see if I can get it in earlier.

Thanks again! Candace