Wednesday, September 14, 2016

An Agent's Inbox #12

Dear Ms. Johnson-Blalock:

In 1880, sixteen-year-old Adrianna is the sole heir to Peruvia’s throne. When her cousins in Bolivia make another attempt on her life she flees to her fiancée, Marcelo and Brasilia’s future king for her safety and the security of her nation. Too bad he doesn’t want her leaving Adrianna fearful for the alliance. 

Adrianna’s ladies devise a plan to make the future king fall in love with her Adrianna starts to understand the connection she had to the king’s illegitimate son Rafael. As she tries to make Marcelo fall for her Adrianna begins receiving mysterious notes in her room, warning of danger to come. Soon after, strange things begin endangering her life, and threaten the alliance with their frequency. The only person she feels she can trust is Rafael, the king’s illegitimate son and Marcelo’s older brother, but he’s dangerous in his own way with secrets of his own. Her heart is supposed to lie with Marcelo, but how can she when Rafael has more feelings for her than her own fiancé. 

With rumors traveling around court of Bolivia’s desire to begin another revolution Adrianna knows there’s no time to waste she needs her ladies plan to work fast because Peru is depending on her. If she can’t put aside her feelings for Rafael and secure the alliance with Brazil, her entire reign will be in jeopardy. She thought the alliance was safe until the castle seer tells her otherwise.

HER GRACE WILL REIGN is a young adult alternative historical complete at 70,000 words. Fans of CW Reign and Richelle Mead’s Glittering Court will love HER GRACE WILL REIGN.

I am currently getting my Master of Arts in Library Science. Per your guidelines, I have pasted the first 250 words. 

Thank you for taking the time to consider my work.

Sincerely,
V.P.


HER GRACE WILL REIGN

Adrianna knew the crown had always been in jeopardy. 

Adrianna knew it as did her mother and the Privy Council. For as long as her cousins ruled Bolivia they would never stop the attempts on her life. She bit the inside of her cheek until she tasted metal. She tried not to lean into the ribbing of her corset. 

“Your grace,” a voice called.

Adrianna tilted her head snapping her thoughts from the fate her father left her as the aroma of candlewick filled her nostrils. 

“Yes, Lord Octavio,” Adrianna said. 

“The Privy Council asked your opinion on what should be done about Bolivia,” Lord Octavio said.

Adrianna knew what she was about to tell would set them on edge, but she knew what she believed was right. It was best to prevent conflict rather than to start it.

“Your grace,” a maid said. “I shall retreat to your chambers and see to your gowns.”

“Thank you,” Adrianna said. The maid bowed before exiting the room. She snapped her attention back to the Privy Council.

“I firmly believe,” Adrianna said. “We should do nothing.”

Heads around the table turned facing each other whispering at the response they never would have dreamed of hearing. Members on the council had wanted to fire the first shot, but Adrianna knew the decision she was making was to protect her people.

“I beg pardon?” Lord Octavio said. “Do nothing?” 

“Yes,” Adrianna said. “If the first shot is fired by us, and Bolivia retaliates who knows what they’ve got planned.”

3 comments:

R.E. Cranney said...

This sounds like a beautiful alternative historical. Revolutions, plots, danger... all so, so good. And hard to write about! I applaud you for putting together what is clearly a complex plot.

Regarding the query, there is a lot going on in your second sentence. Perhaps you could switch up the punctuation to help clarify: "When her cousins in Bolivia make another attempt on her life, she flees to her fiancée Marcelo--Brasilia’s future king--for her safety and the security of her nation."

I suggest reading the query out loud and adding commas anywhere you might take a breath.

As for your 250, I love your descriptions. They really draw me in. I can easily envision this scene and am intrigued as to what comes next.

All the best to you and your project!

Deborah Kreiser said...

I, too, am intrigued by your book. However, I think you need to work on streamlining some of the details in your query. There are too many countries and characters mentioned, and when I first started reading it, I thought this was going to be a fantasy. As noted above, there are some areas that could use punctuation, especially in the third paragraph.
What if you started with something like this:
In 1880, sixteen-year-old future queen Adrianna's life is in danger. As the sole heir to Peruvia's throne, she is vulnerable to the threats from her Bolivian cousins, and her fiance--Brasilia's future king--no longer wants her.
Anyway, just a suggestion. I am sure you can do a better job. Best of luck to you!

Jennifer Johnson-Blalock said...

Thanks for your query, V.P.! I love the idea of a non-European alternate history. Moving the title and comps up top might help to set the scene, though; I had a moment of like "straight historical? fantasy? I'm not sure!" Other than that, I think you have good info in here, but it's in need of a really good scrubbing. There are multiple run-on sentences, which, from an agent's POV, makes me a little concerned about the amount of editing I'd have to do on your manuscript and also makes it difficult to evaluate this query efficiently. And with the number of queries agents receive, if we can't read it easily, it will probably be a pass. I think your story deserves more than that, so get a writer friend, critique partner, etc. to help you whip this query into shape. Good luck!