Wednesday, September 19, 2012

An Agent's Inbox #11

Dear Ms. Marini,

When Hallie Hartman’s life turns into nothing short of a freak-show, she realizes she took her mind-numbingly ordinary life for granted. She didn’t expect running into Colton Dane would change everything. He’s tall, dark, and swoon-worthy. This should have been awesome but she knows he’s hiding something. His cryptic answers have Hallie yearning to punch him--whenever she’s not thinking about kissing him. So not awesome. When she finally uncovers the truth, she finds he’s not just from out of town.

He’s an alien.

As if that wasn’t enough to have her questioning her sanity, she discovers the rest of his secrets are far more shocking. Colton’s a part of the Megaera, an outcasted rebel faction, who wants Hallie to join them. She doesn’t know why the deranged alien mafia group thinks she can help them--they’re the ones who can manipulate energy. She has to accept the truth being shoved in her face and find a way to trust Colton. There are worse things than being a prisoner or a pawn in some otherworldly game--like being dead.

UNCOVERED is a YA paranormal romance complete at 59,000 words. It will appeal to readers of Jennifer Armentrout’s OBSIDIAN and Becca Fitzpatrick’s HUSH, HUSH. This novel is a stand-alone but has series potential.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

P.S. I also love dance parties and fuzzy sweaters. Who doesn’t?



My entire life has consisted of a level of normalcy that makes me want to stab myself in the eye with a pen simply for dramatic effect. The only thing exceptional about me is how fast I can run but what is that going to do for me? Now, if I could find a way to run straight out of my dull life and into one that’s electrifying, maybe I’d have a use for it.

Wind whipped past me, blowing strands of my long, dark hair backwards as I imagined the recognizable setting fading away. Instead, I pictured vivid ambers and gold swirling together under the glow from the early-evening light. I could almost feel the sun’s rays warming my skin. As if to taunt me, a frigid blast of air blew through the tree branches, causing them to quiver and bend. Reality smacked me in the face, shattering my perfect mental image.

I was running my usual path that took me between the apartments, past the office buildings and Saffron Park. I looked down to turn my iPod up louder, hoping to drown out my thoughts. Just before I placed it back into my pocket, I slammed into something rock solid. The impact was so intense it sent me bouncing backwards with what felt like a wave of compressed air. I crashed onto the hard pavement. Cursing, I reached over to grab my iPod and looked up to see what I’d run into.

Not what--who.


Suja said...

I saw this in GUTGAA and loved it then, too, especially the voice. My comments remain the same. I'd read this in a heartbeat.

SM said...

I like this too! I'd keep reading.

Lanette said...

Reading the query, it seems like the only reason aliens want Hallie to help them out is because that's what the author wants. The explanation is probably evident in the novel, but that's what I'm seeing in the query.

As to the first page, I think it's fantastic. You have a great voice and the imagery is amazing. I could see the swirls of gold. You have a way of putting the readers right there with your character. I would read on based on the solid writing even though the query left me a little cold because I know query letters are not always reflection on the quality of the writing.

Ella Schwartz said...

I like this. The voice in the query is strong and instantly likeable. I do have one suggestion. Your first 2 sentences I think are the weakest part of the query. I'd get right into the meet of it. What if you changed the first line to read: When Hallie runs into Colton she never expects it would turn her ordinary life upside. (or something like that).

Well done. I enjoyed your first 250. I'd read more :)

(entry #1)

Kristen Wixted said...

Uh-oh...not what, who.
Good ending for the 250 words.
Like it!
I also admire your spunk and brevity in the query, where you say "He's an alien."
Good luck.

Don McFatridge said...

I enjoyed this, but I think you should position the story as science fiction (he's an alien) as opposed to paranormal romance, which can be such a hard sell today.

The only down side to marketing it as SF is at 59,000 some may consider it a touch light.

Loved the ending. Good Luck

Utsav said...

The 250 words are just fantastic. The voice is incredible and your descriptions are solid too!

Victoria Marini said...

I like the premise here, but I'm not sensing the motivation of these aliens in the query letter. Why do they care about her, let alone want her to join them? Where's the core conflict there? And then as far as the sample goes, I think there's a lot to like, but I think the imagery is over used; there's a a lot of seeing, but not a lot of feeling or reaction. I feel like I don't have access to Hallie's innermost self. She seems distant, which might be part of her personality, but make sure it's distance from others and not from the reader. Thank you!