Wednesday, September 28, 2011

An Agent's Inbox #46

Dear Agent,

Sixteen-year-old Jessica Jacobs is a super spy, a famous actress, and a princess.

Okay, not really. But she likes to daydream she’s all of those things and more. So when she wakes up with a medieval knight aiming his sword at her throat, Jessica thinks it’s just another daydream. Until she realizes that, 1- dude is actually causing her neck to bleed, 2- her dress is so hideous she never would have daydreamed herself into it, and 3- Zac Efron is nowhere in sight.

After pondering her sanity, Jessica is left with one option: ride out her time in Crazy Medieval Land until she can figure out a way home. Unfortunately, that means working for the Count’s horrible daughter and doing her best to avoid Lord Pervy’s wandering hands. It sucks being the peon instead of the princess.

Enter Lord Alric, AKA: knight-in-freaking-hot-armor. It would be easy to let him protect her, but Jessica refuses to be a damsel-in-distress. Instead, she convinces him to teach her to swordfight. Somewhere amidst the grueling hours of training, she falls for his chivalry and playful smile. Could time have brought them together? And if so, why are so many people conspiring to keep them apart?

Happily ever after was so much easier in her daydreams.

Daze and Knights is an 84,000 word YA novel about an average girl facing the kind of adventures she always imagined. I have almost completed a sequel where Jessica finds herself in Virginia during the American Revolution.

Full manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration.



Chapter 1: Blake The Snake

He was supposed to be my knight in shining armor. My prince charming. The guy who would sweep me off my feet and trot me away from my boring life on the back of his white horse.

He wasn’t supposed to be the guy who kicked me out of his car four blocks from my house before speeding away without looking back.

Worst. Date. Ever.

I daydreamed about Blake Chapman asking me out since middle school. His sandy blond hair and cocky smile were enough to make me woozy. In a good way.

Too bad he didn’t actually like me. He only asked me out to make my best friend jealous. When I wouldn’t dish the dirt on Dani, pay for dinner, or give him any (in that order), he dumped me on the side of the road. Now he makes me woozy in an I-want-to-vomit kind of way.

“I can’t believe he would do that!” Dani whispered during Algebra the next day. “He always seemed like a nice guy.” Her eyes flicked to Blake who sat with his head down, texting underneath the desk.

“He probably wouldn’t do that to you,” I whispered back, trying to keep the bitterness from my voice. Plucking at the pages of my textbook, I avoided looking in his direction.

“Oh Jess, I would never go out with him. What a jerk!”

I couldn’t stop my gaze from straying towards him. “Yeah.” He looked up then, noticed me looking, and smirked. Crap.


Cassie Mae said...

I have to say, I love the voice you have. The query letter intrigued me right away because of it. You know exactly what kind of girl she is right off the bat.

Only thing I would change about the query letter is mentioning your sequel.

As for your sample, I liked it and I wish I could keep reading. I liked the visual of him texting under his desk.

And I must say it again...I love the voice!

Jenilyn Tolley said...

I liked the query as well, but I agree that you might not want to mention the sequel.

I love the voice in the sample. I was completely thrown out, though, when we shifted from her being dumped on the street to school. I loved the emotion and the voice on the street and would really like more of a transition to something more normal like algebra class.

gretchen said...

Great voice! I sooo wanted to keep reading this. I wanted to then give it to my daughter and all her friends to read!

The only thing that threw me was that he was going out with protag to make Dani jealous, but then she seemed surprised he would act like such a jerk. If she didn't already think he was a jerk, why hadn't he gone out with her first?

Basically, I guess what I'm trying to say is...I was inferring that Dani already knew he was a tool before our protag did. read! Good luck...

Escape Artist said...

I remember this from somewhere. I loved it then. I think the playfulness of this piece is just plain fun.
Good luck!

DMcWild said...

I like both the query and the first page. I would keep reading, nice job.

Love the line in the query "her dress is so hideous she never would have daydreamed herself into it."

Jenna Wallace said...

I'm afraid I don't have much to add...I love this query. And the title is fantastic!

I like the voice in the first 250. However, the tenses/timing jump around a little "he dumped me" "now he makes me" "Dani whispered during Algebra the next day." At first, I thought we were standing on the side of the road with her, but then we're in Algebra. I think if you could rework this a little to make it clearer, you'd have a fantastic opening.

The Agent said...

This is a really terrific query, and I love the title. Really nice stuff.

The opening paragraphs are also spot-on with voice and tension, just enough background but not too much. Great work! I will add that this doesn't feel right for my particular list, but it's the type of things I can see others being very taken with.

A.L. Sonnichsen said...

I'll just join the choir and say I love the voice. I wasn't planning to comment on any of these, but I was totally drawn in by the first line of your query and hooked happily ever after. I know you'll get a lot of agent attention with this one. Very nicely done!