Life, Writing, and the Occasional Meltdown

Regular reader Jer of From Methods to Madness (don’t you love that title?) recently asked me an interesting question:

I am also a mom--I have two young kids--and an aspiring author. Lately I’ve felt really discouraged about not being able to find enough time to write. I've been working on my current WIP for over a year now and only have about 5,600 words to show for it. I’m always amazed and a little envious when you post about the progress of your WIPs. You seem to whip those first drafts out so quickly! So my question for you is…what’s your secret? Since I struggle to find the time, I’m genuinely curious about how other mother-writers do it.

The truth is, I struggle with this as much as anyone. Finding the right balance between husband, kids, housework, and writing is tricky, and I’m constantly finding myself having to readjust. But I do have a few thoughts.

In the spirit of providing as much information as possible and hoping that one or two useful tidbits crop up, here’s a look at my normal weekday routine:

6:30 a.m. Run, shower (on those mornings I run), read some blogs
8:00 a.m. Dress the kids, eat breakfast, play
10:00 a.m. Put Lady down for a nap, shower (if I haven’t already), do housework
12:00 p.m. Eat lunch, play
2:00 p.m. Put both kids down for a nap, WRITE
4:30 p.m. Play, chill with Honey Bear, make dinner, eat it, play some more
8:00 p.m. Put the kids to bed, WRITE (while Honey Bear does homework)

My kids’ superpower is sleeping, so they (almost) always give me a decent chunk of writing time in the afternoons and evenings. And Honey Bear has been working on a master’s degree for the past two years--and is planning to start an EdD this fall--so he (almost) always has homework to do. In short, my life has been marvelously conducive to writing ever since I-gots was born, and I’ve taken advantage of that.

So what am I going to do once I-gots stops napping and my husband runs out of letters to add to the end of his name? I don’t know. Find a new normal, I guess, as my mother-in-law likes to say. Readjust.

But as for specifics, I have found a few habits to be helpful in turning a work-in-limbo into a work-in-progress.

First, write a little every day (or almost every day). Even if you only write a page or two, in less than a year you’ll have a good-sized first draft. There is no substitute for slow, steady effort, methinks.

Second, limit Internet time. I don’t think it’s a good idea to cut the Internet out altogether (except when you’re trying to reach a specific goal in a specific amount of time, maybe), because, if you’re anything like me, your willpower will fail you sooner or later and you’ll go on a three-hour Internet binge that will leave you feeling spineless and miserably unproductive. Also, the Internet is a great tool for connecting with other writers and agents and building your brand, both of which are essential for the twenty-first-century writer. You just can't let the Internet take over your writing time.

(It’s kind of stupid, but whenever I find myself spending too much time online, I stop, visualize receiving the much-sought-after Call--or, heaven forbid, that elusive Book Deal--and remember that I have to keep writing if I ever want to live that moment for real:) )

Now, after all that, I want to finish by saying that as important as writing is, some things are even more important. Like my husband. And my kids. A wise man once said, “No other success can compensate for failure in the home,” and I firmly believe that. In the end, it really is all about balance.

So what is your writing regimen like? And how do you keep everything in its proper place?

When a Hobby Isn't a Hobby

To use Authoress’s words, I’m not one of “those” writers. I’m not the sort of writer who spends seventeen and a half hours in front of the computer screen every day and manages to cram the rest of life into the other six and a half. I can’t be. I have a husband and two kids and a house and church assignments and more laundry than I’d care to disclose, and all of them require my undivided care and attention every now and then. Writing is not the most important thing in my life; in fact, judging by this list, it’s not even the second or third. But sometimes I let it become so.

I went home for Thanksgiving last week, and except for the fact that my five-month-old decided nighttime was for crying instead of sleeping, it was a wonderful trip. We ate loads of turkey and my mom’s homemade stuffing, went on a Black Friday outing that didn’t involve busting doors (we cruised clearance racks instead)--and my favorite college football team even pulled off a win against their longtime rivals. But because Grandma was around to keep an eye on my kids, I started hopping online two or three times every morning. And then two or three times every night. And everything snowballed from there.

There’s so much to do online, after all. I had blogs to read, forums to post on, e-mail to check. Before long, I was stopping by QueryTracker every three or four hours and invading my inbox at least three times a day. And I never check my e-mail that often--the longer I ignore it, the greater chance I’ll have of actually finding something new, or so I usually think. By the time Saturday rolled around, I was feeling as jittery as a caffeine addict during a coffee strike. Every second I wasn’t writing or hanging out on Absolute Write was a second I wished I were. And every second I was didn’t satisfy me.

And then, like a ray of sunshine--or maybe a lightning bolt--it hit me: I don’t have to be this way. I don’t have to let my writing consume me. As my husband once so eloquently put it, my hobby is for me, I am not for my hobby. Writing is NOT the most important thing in my life; I have my priorities, and I’m sticking to them. I’m happier, genuinely happier, that way.

This isn’t the first time I’ve lived through this cycle of obsess and refocus, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. Every car rattles itself out of alignment after a while; the trick is to get it to the mechanic before you wear your tires bald. Well, my proverbial tires are no longer balding. I’m happy to report I am comfortably, completely back on the hobby-writer bandwagon. I’m sure my mouse finger will appreciate the break.