Wednesday, March 16, 2016

An Agent's Inbox #4

Dear Mr. Taylor,

In the year 2998 only one in eighty-seven are born female, which makes dating complicated. And slightly bloody.

Travis isn't thrilled about enduring puberty twice, but transferring into his fifteen-year-old clone is the only way to court his best childhood mate. Sadly, several hundred genetically improved suitors also have their eye on Wendy, and Travis has five years to pass the tests and prove himself the best future husband. If only he hadn't accidentally made friends with the other boys he's supposed to kill.

GROOMED is a 90K word YA earth based sci-fi with series potential. (Think THE SELECTION plus RED RISING minus the gore.) My previous publications include An Uncommon Blue (YA Fantasy Novel--Dec 2014 Cedar Fort) and a series of Comedy Sketches (2009 Meriwether Publishing). My previous agent had a baby and left the industry before this story was finished.

I've included the first page below.Thanks for taking the time to do this contest!

R.H.


GROOMED

Mr. Candace was three hundred years older than his wife but he certainly didn't act it. When he learned he'd be required to attend his son's childhood graduation he made such a fuss that all of Travis's younger brothers came into the kitchen to watch.

"I don't have time for this!" he shouted. "I'll miss my shows."

Eventually the tantrum wound down and Mr. Candace retired to his room to change into his tuxedo. The nine younger boys wandered back to their telegame and Travis, who'd been dressed and hairsprayed since three o'clock, followed his mother into the entryway.

After a few minutes, Travis asked, "How do you tell a clone from an original?"

Candace furrowed her eyebrows at the strange question. "Your father is no different that you or I. First or second body, the mind is the same."

"But I'm only fifteen and I'm more mature than him. Does he even have a belly button?"

Candace smiled. "He has a very handsome navel. Which you see every summer at the lakehouse."

"Could be fake. Wendy thinks she saw her da's come off once when--"

Travis fell silent as Mr. Candace emerged. "If this thing lasts more than an hour, I can't promise I won't hit anyone."

There was a time when Travis might have laughed at such a statement. Now he knew his father was completely serious.

Despite their late start, Candace insisted they take the triple bicycle. "It's our last ride with my number two," she said, turning misty eyes on her son.

5 comments:

CJ Hill said...

Finally, the dating tides turn in women's favor. I'm just sad we have to wait for the future to finally get wined and dined like we should be now. Sound like an interesting and unique premise!

Amy Eversley said...

Cool premise. Defiantly intrigued by this concept. Thought your query portion was great too, enough infor without too much.

Brent Taylor said...

I've never encountered a premise quite like this! Great job being concise and to-the-point; I wish all queries could be as easy to digest at this. I probably wouldn't continue reading, however, because it's difficult for me to connect to Travis--I don't have a clear sense of his goals.

Cpoe2Books said...

You have a great ability to get right to point in your query which I envy. I have to say it doesn't give a clear picture of the character or why someone should care about him or his predicament though. Also, why is it important that he get the girl? I'm sure there are people perfectly content not to marry which might limit the appeal of your story.

A few more details and a better understanding of the stakes might be of benefit in the query.

Good luck with your writing.

Ben Lacy said...

I just wanted to point out a possible editorial issue in your sample. The father is Mr. Candace, however, the mother seems to be named Candace. That seems a bit confusing. Good luck, I like the premise.