Let the Commenting Begin!

Check out the entries below, then leave some feedback in the comments if you feel so inclined. (ENTRANTS, PLEASE REMEMBER TO CRITIQUE AT LEAST THREE OTHER ENTRIES!) And I'm sure this goes without saying, but please keep your comments constructive (i.e., not rude or mean-spirited). If you want to think like The Agent, you might consider the question, "If you were an agent, would you request more of this entry?"

I'll reveal The Agent's identity and announce his or her winners and prizes next week, but until then, have at it!

(For your information, I take out profanity when I'm formatting the entries, so if you notice any asterisks, they're my asterisks, not the entrants'. Also, entrants, if you find a Krista-generated error in your post, feel free to shoot me an e-mail, and I'll correct it straightaway.)

An Agent's Inbox #13

Dear Mystery Agent,

In The Guardian Mermaid, sisterhood is more than skin and scales. It is forged from a heartstring, tethered to a sword. This 100,000-word young adult fantasy re-imagining of Hans Christian Andersen's "The Little Mermaid" stars Niele, a mermaid princess who becomes human to learn the arts of sword fighting and heroism by tying her life and future to a human princess who is skilled and strong enough to slay a kraken.

When Niele ascends to the surface of the ocean for the first time in her life on her fifteenth birthday, she witnesses two humans sparring with swords on a beach. Over the next few weeks, she trades between her duties as a mermaid princess and her curiosity about these humans--a taboo topic that she can only openly discuss with the Sea Witch Maleah, a salamander sorceress who has assumed the form of a mermaid. When a kraken attacks the humans' ship, Niele witnesses the human princess Neva dive into the water and slay the beast single-handedly. The crippled ship breaks apart and sinks in a storm, and though it goes against all mermaid tradition, Niele saves Princess Neva's life.

Because she wants to learn to be as heroic as Princess Neva, Niele makes a deal with the Sea Witch to become human, trading away her siren magic and long mermaid life for a spell that binds her life to Neva's and turns her into a human. Neva does not recognize Niele or even realize a mermaid saved her life, but she agrees to train this peculiar foreigner. Their friendship grows over the course of their adventures slaying monsters and rescuing helpless villagers, until word comes that Neva's betrothed went missing and Niele begins to feel a strange splintering in the spell that binds her life and heart to Neva's.

The Guardian Mermaid explores the impact of friendship and mentorship on the life of a young asexual woman and honors platonic relationships as equally valuable alongside familial and romantic relationships. I wrote this novel as one of two capstone projects for my MFA from Simmons College. It has been through a rigorous revision process, supported in part by a literary agent. The complete manuscript is available at your request.

Sincerely,
S.G.

THE GUARDIAN MERMAID

Weightless.

I didn't know the meaning of the word.

I did know the gentle push and pull of the sea. I knew how to read the currents, the shifting temperatures, the pressure of the water around me, the fluttering vibration that signaled movement around me. Even in the darkest depths, I would always know when I was alone, where danger lurked, how to find my prey.

My fingers gripped the shaft of my spear tightly. I remained perfectly still in the water, my only movement the slightest pulse of my gills as I breathed, slow and calm. Distance, awareness, and most of all stealth were my greatest allies out here, in the vast openness of the hunting waters. Between me and the ocean's surface, a whole school of fish--tuna, maybe--swam about in blissful ignorance of the predator that lurked beneath them. If I had the mind for it, and maybe a few other merfolk to help, I could have untied the net from around my midriff and used it to bring in a nice haul.

But quantity wasn't the name of the hunt today. Today was all about finding the perfect fish.

The longer I waited, the more I could feel the tingle of motion that moved through the water and across my skin and scales. I used the subtle vibrations to measure the distance between me and the fish, to aim my strike. When I was sure of my prey, I coiled my muscles tightly, then sprang.

An Agent's Inbox #12

Dear Mystery Agent:

I submit to you my YA historical fiction, SECRETS IN THE STONE, which is complete at 72,000 words. It is piloted by an impetuous anti-heroine and contains elements of gothic mystery similar to Kerri Maniscalco's HUNTING PRICE DRACULA.

In Edwardian England, 18-year-old Estella Ripley prepares for Paris where she will meet her mother's family for the first time. But just before she departs, Estella is dumbfounded to learn that she has inherited her late grandfather's eerie island manor where she resides. Estella's plight worsens when she discovers that her fiancé, Edward Maxwell, is scheming to control the vast manor after throwing Estella in an asylum. Unable to face the betrayal of the only person she trusted, and intent on following the clues her grandfather left behind, she flees the island.

Escaping to a remote forest, Estella discovers an unknown glen where a group of Irish fugitives have hidden for nearly a century. She sees the glen-folk as the family she always wanted but never had, and through keen perception of the glen-folks' stories, Estella discerns that the glen is part of her inheritance. But when Edward Maxwell discovers the secret glen, he threatens to expose them and sell the glen if Estella does not return to marry him. Estella must determine how to protect the glen from Edward's vain thirst for power before her inheritance and her future are stolen.

I have a master's degree in English education (grades 7 through 12) with a concentration in writing and musical theatre. Currently I intern at literary agency in NYC reviewing YA manuscripts and preparing Reader Reports. I currently maintain a blog that hosts a small collection of humorous parenting woes.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
S.R.

SECRETS IN THE STONE

I jumped from the third floor balcony and imagined my blood splattering the sky-blue hydrangeas below, like the first drops of spring rain. It would have been a triumphant display of divisionism, albeit a bit macabre, but I did not wish to die, not even in the name of art. So when I landed safely on the second floor roof, I huffed in relief.

I lifted the hem of my dress to make sure the tips of my toes were even with the roof ledge. Slowly, I released a finger from the window frame and balanced against the sea breeze. A teasing gust of air tugged my hair from its tortoise shell pins and I swear that wind was playing with me.

"Mind your own business," I mumbled as I lowered myself to a seated position on the terracotta-tiled roof. With the grace of Pablo Fanque on the tightrope, I teetered on the roof as I carefully removed the parchment from my bodice and smoothed its creases, then flicked my wrist until the sterling silver chatelaine's pencil was tight in my fingers.

My pencil flitted across the parchment and the drawing began to take on a personality I had not anticipated. I had already drawn Polly's hands that encompassed the flower (Polly was one of my young maids who had the most perfect skin tone), but the drawing hadn't been really unique until now, when this hydrangea seemed to become cerulean even from pencil-grey scratches.

An Agent's Inbox #11

Dear Agent,

I am seeking representation for my 71,462-word YA Fantasy novel, Even A Broken Heart Will Bleed. Elody is a Wind Spirit. They appear only when the world needs to be saved. A Faerie Prince, split in half at birth, now has two personalities and two bodies, but no memory. A spin on Arthurian legend with a twist of Greek mythology, and a new underwater faerie kingdom.

The Faerie Prince is the long-lost King Arthur. His parents are Merlin, King of the Seelie court, and Morgana Le Fey the Unseelie Queen. They wanted an heir together, but he was stolen from them by the very people they conquered, Finvarra and Oonagh, in order to rule. Years later, Elody is lost in the ocean after her father's ship is wrecked by the aforementioned Prince. He takes her to his underwater kingdom and learns that he doesn't have a twin, but a severed soul. Elody also finds out about being a Wind Spirit, and how she and three other girls (the North, South, East and West winds) are connected and fated to save the world. The same person that kidnapped the prince, Oonagh, is also trying to come back through them and their powers.

I used to have a blog, "Books, Sweets and Other Treats. I reviewed books for a few years and found a passion for writing as well as reading. I also won a few poetry contests during high school. I graduated from Texas A&M Texarkana in 2012 with a Bachelor's degree in Education. I am currently certified to teach EC-6, but choose to stay home with my three children (twin babies and a toddler). I also love to read comic books with my husband, and we might get a little too excited about them! I am an active member of the Choctaw tribe, and love exploring my roots.

If this project intrigues you, I would be happy to send the manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
L.R.

EVEN A BROKEN HEART WILL BLEED

“Morgana, what in the name of Bodoach do you think you’re doing? How did you even get in here,” Merlin asked, his voice rising with each word. For the King of the Seelie Court, his voice was remarkably high. 

“Quiet, you fool,” responded Morgana. There was nothing comical about her voice. Frost escaped through her pinched lips as she tried to control her anger. “Why do you think I’m here?”

“I don’t know! It’s why I asked!” Merlin was sitting up in his bed, the covers pulled up close to his chin. He looked like a child afraid of what might be lurking in the shadows. 

Morgana Le Fey, Queen of the Unseelie court, had no illusions as why she was here. She needed an heir, and a royal one. This Fodden of a man would have to do, seeing as he was the only other royal still alive. She had killed all the others. That was poor judgement on her part. While Merlin had in fact helped her conquer this realm, he still left a lot to be desired. His skills in battle didn’t transfer to other aspects of his life.

“I’m here for a child,” she finally said.

Merlin’s eyes widened with understanding. “No. No, not tonight. Morgana, be reasonable. It’s too soon. We must wait. Courtship. Err--“he stopped, not knowing what else to say.

“When we set out to claim this realm from Finvarra and Oonagh, you knew this day would come."

An Agent's Inbox #10

Dear Secret Agent,

Seventeen-year-old Charlotte Fairfax has spent the past two months listening to her conservative father give campaign speeches. While he spewed rhetoric about "traditional values" and "the good old days," she planned a very different kind of speech: coming out to the roommate she’s been in love with since freshman year.

The night before she’s due to return to Holmes Academy for senior year, Charlotte finds solace in her favorite queer novel, psyching herself up to come out to her roommate. But when her father interrupts and realizes what she’s reading--and what it means about Charlotte herself--he forbids her from coming out. Ever. If she does, he’ll send her away, somewhere far enough that she can’t hurt his campaign for senate. Or see her roommate again.

Afraid to lose her best friend, Charlotte agrees to stay in the closet. But when all the queer books disappear from the school library--including the one her father caught her reading--Charlotte refuses to remain a silent prop any longer. With the help of her roommate, who Charlotte is half-convinced might be flirting with her, Charlotte launches an underground library. And maybe, just maybe, she’ll find the courage to put her true self on the shelves, too.

THE LIBRARY OF UNSPOKEN THINGS is complete at 78,000 words. In 2017, I was a fellow in the Lambda Literary Writer's Retreat for Emerging LGBTQ Voices, where I workshopped this story. I also worked with mentor Isabel Sterling during Author Mentor Match to revise and edit this manuscript. I have previously written under the pen name Lucy Hallowell for both AfterEllen.com and Autostraddle.com, and had my short story Dragon Slayer published as part of an anthology.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

L.H.

THE LIBRARY OF UNSPOKEN THINGS

My father's trying to spin money into power. My job is to be nice to the old guy sitting next to me whose idea of conversation involves staring at my boobs while I tell him for the fourth time where I go to school. Nevermind that we're sitting around a table covered with a linen tablecloth, crystal, and silverware made of actual silver, this guy doesn't have the manners to look me in the eye. Instead, he keeps glancing at my chest. This wouldn't have happened if my mom let me where what I wanted to this stupid event.

This afternoon, she sighed and handed me the dress I have on. "Jeans and a t-shirt are not appropriate for a formal dinner with your father's most important donors."

I wonder if she'd think boob staring is appropriate or if it's okay because it's a rich man doing it.

My father's voice wafts across the table. "That's right, Jim. The country's going to h***."

H*** is this dinner party.

I look over at my mom. She's trying to seem interested in what a small man with thick glasses is saying. I don't blame her for struggling to make her face seem fascinated, I got stuck talking to him for fifteen minute during the cocktail hour. I had no idea someone could talk so much about naval history in the 1600's.

A clutch of servers in white shirts appear to clear away our plates.

An Agent's Inbox #9

Dear Mystery Agent: 

When eleven-year old, Kimberley Adams’ Shakespeare-scholar grandfather, Abu, suddenly dies, Kimberley worries he won’t be able to fulfill their plan of contacting her from the afterlife. Her frustration grows worse when Abu’s sister, Tia Tatiana, explains Abu’s remains will be interred thousands of miles from her in Puerto Rico, which Kimberley, despite her Latinx roots, fears is too far away for a spiritual connection.

In a desperate attempt to make her great aunt change her mind, Kimberley unwittingly splits herself in two. Her double, a crying girl who remains passively obedient, assumes Kimberley’s role in her family while the real Kimberley becomes invisible to her loved ones. 

Following cues from a bat, seemingly a spirit guide, the invisible Kimberley pursues her goal to communicate with her grandfather. However, the spirit world and the real world continue to overlap mysteriously. When she meets a ghostly young boy and his sister who ask her to retrieve a lost book of Shakespeare, her actions initiate a chain of events that reveal sorrowful family secrets. To win back her place in her own family, Kimberley must decide who she is and what she believes or she will be destined to watch from a shadowy limbo as her crying double bumbles through her own life without her.

UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY is middle grade contemporary, with a good helping of magic, complete at 46,000 words.

I am an English and ESL teacher in Arlington, Virginia and am a member of SCBWI. I have an MFA in poetry and in working on this manuscript have become a mentee in Author-Mentor-Match (rnd 3), a YA and MG, web-based mentorship opportunity.

Sincerely,
K.M.-T.

UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY

Something’s squeaking under the bed, maybe an animal.

I wish I were home in my own bedroom in LA. Instead, I’m alone, eating leftover pizza in Aunt Gloria’s guest bedroom. The ceiling fan going tick-tick-tick makes the humid Connecticut August almost cool. I pull my legs up under me--criss-cross applesauce--on the nubby quilt. 

It’s true. Most of the time, I like being alone. Being alone gives me time to think about stuff. Trouble is, the stuff I’m thinking about today takes me back to that depressing aquarium in the hospital waiting room. All day I sat there watching the guppies chase the angel fish and trying not to cry.

Because I’m eleven and a half, I was supposed to sit and read. Even if Abu is my very favorite person in the whole wide world, no one under 12 is allowed in the ICU. 

ICU is a funny name for the emergency wing of a hospital. I imagined a big glass room with glass walls around all the beds. There, all the important relatives and specialist doctors can watch the patients hooked to machines without touching, only looking. They’re like, “I see you.” But Mama says ICU stands for Intensive Care Unit.

Mama and Aunt Gloria are still there with Abu, my grandfather. 

There’s the squeaking again. It’s probably a mouse. It’s true I’m not afraid of mice, but I don’t want one running up my leg. My leg kind of tickles when I imagine that.

An Agent's Inbox #8

Dear Agent's Inbox,

In Prince Deacon’s kingdom, getting married means an irreversible bond of mind and body. His parents want him to put duty before love and marry the princess of a neighboring kingdom, but the thought of sharing a consciousness with a stranger repulses him. He never thought he'd fall for his intended’s younger sister, Elony, a girl who has visions of the future. The problem is that Elony is in love with her childhood best friend, Caz.

When Caz gets trapped in a magical wasteland, Deacon doesn’t hesitate to help Elony save him. But rescuing him accidentally opens the door to an ancient prison, and Caz becomes possessed by a Shade, the spirit of a power-hungry king who serves the death god. For centuries, the Shade has waited to be freed so he can resume his reign of terror, collecting souls for his master.

With both their hearts on the line, Deacon and Elony must stop the Shade before it plunges the land into an age of darkness. If they can’t find a way to destroy the Shade without killing Caz, they’ll have to decide what’s more important: saving Caz, or saving their kingdoms.

CROWN OF ASH AND STARS, complete at 83,000 words, is a dual point-of-view young adult fantasy that will appeal to readers of Kristin Cashore's GRACELING and Sarah J Maas's THRONE OF GLASS.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

A.W.

CROWN OF ASH AND STARS

Chapter 1: Elony

Bastian nudged my shoulder, a playful attempt to knock me off balance. “Ready to face defeat, Elony?”

I didn’t budge, the muscles in my legs taut and ready. “Not today, brother. You may be older, but you certainly aren’t wiser, or you’d know you have no chance in beating me."

His lip curled up in a smirk. “Don’t forget that I’m also stronger, faster, and going to make you eat my dust.”

On my right, my best friend, Caz, brushed a strand of raven hair from his face, looking far too at ease when we were seconds away from beginning the race. He caught me eyeing him, sizing up my competition. He winked, and flashed me a smile.

I tossed my wind swept braid over my shoulder and dug my heel into the dirt. I would not let Caz distract me. Not this time. These races were my favorite part of our training, of honing our abilities, and I was not going to let his goofy grin throw me off my game. Again.

The stone archway of the labyrinth loomed ahead of us, at least five different paths visible from where we stood. Each path twisted their way deeper into the maze, their secret obstacles waiting to trap us.

I released the block I held on my ability, letting the visions flood my mind. The future danced around the edge of my consciousness, and the familiar pull made my head pulse with effort. It sent an icy chill rippling over my skin. With only a split second passing in the present, the next few minutes played out in my mind.

An Agent's Inbox #7

Dear Agent:

In 2052, tubular transcycles and decrepit hovercycles crowd the narrow streets of Kyoto, Japan. But it’s the glistening speedcycles that rule the roads. Hovering speedcycles have revolutionized transportation in Japan and the Samurai speedcycle dominates them all. Not just for transportation, high velocity racing has become a competitive sport and every five years the prestigious Oban Race occurs in Tokyo. 

Sixteen year-old Aya Minami is an unwilling thief scrambling from job to job on her dented hovercycle. Her tenuous existence on the edge of Japanese society means her life is at the mercy of the man who tells her what to steal. But when she steals the wrong thing for her boss, she has to come up with a lot of money or end up in prison. 

Her boss offers her a deal. First, get into the Oban Race; he’ll fund the qualifier fees and forge the paperwork. Then, find a specific rich kid, on a Samurai speedcycle, and when the moment is right, make a steal and run. Aya agrees, but with a plan of her own. She’ll enter the Oban Race, but intends to win, allowing her to escape her boss with the prize money and start over somewhere she can be free.

So she rides to Osaka and finds the rich kid, Hiroki Matsumoto. But as she spends time with Hiroki and his group of friends--the Pink Ninjas--she starts to feel guilty. The Ninjas welcome her, no questions asked and even help her learn how to ride. Her times get faster and faster. Then as the Oban Race rushes toward her, Aya’s boss reminds her of their agreement. 

Aya rockets toward Tokyo, but whether toward freedom or failure, she’s going too fast to know.

SAMURAI RACING is a YA science fiction novel complete at 70,000 words that could stand-alone or have a sequel. It is like Marie Lu’s WARCROSS meets the FAST AND THE FURIOUS, but with flying motorcycles. 

[Redacted] grew up around motorcycles, even riding one to preschool (with a parent driving of course) and has always been captivated by the rumble of the engine and freedom of driving. She lives in Kyoto, Japan. 

Sincerely,

K.S.

SAMURAI RACING

"I can't believe she drives that thing." 

Mrs. Yamada's words drifted toward me, sagging along the damp, stale air of Kyoto in the summer. My back faced my neighbors as I stepped into the low ceilinged garage. A new transcycle, shiny and silver sat in the middle of the space; the tiny dent in the back meant it was purchased for a discount. But even with a discount I wouldn't be able to afford the four-seater. Off to the side, barely fitting in the narrow space, sat a small red hovercycle, its chipped paint and outdated mechanics making it almost worthless. I squeezed beside the transcycle and grabbed the handlebars on my hovercycle, dodging a spider web as I wheeled it out of the garage.

"That hovercycle looks like it's going to fall apart any second," Mr. Yamada said to his wife. 

Mrs. Yamada hobbled toward her husband as he watered the collection of flowering plants in front of their home. Their outdoor slippers made a scrapping shuffle as they moved from plant to plant, watering each with more care than they'd give a person. Their older transcycle, a covered six-seater, sat underneath a tarp wedged in the small space between their house and the street. 

"Doesn't help the way she drives it." Mrs. Yamada picked a few dying buds off a small rose bush. "Last week I saw her drive through a construction site and jump across a half-finished building." 

Two weeks ago, I wanted to point out.