Thursday, July 7, 2011
"An Agent's Inbox" Contest Debriefing
I think the inaugural round of "An Agent's Inbox" went pretty well, but since I'm always looking to improve (and since Round Two will start in just a couple of weeks), I really want your feedback. What went well, what didn't go so well, and what suggestions do you have?
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
"An Agent's Inbox" Contest Winners
I let Ms. Motter pick as many winners--and as many prizes--as she wanted, and this is what she picked.
Best query: #1 PARTITION
PARTITION wins a 10-page critique.
Best page: #12 LEGACY
LEGACY wins a query critique.
Ms. Motter would also like to see the first 100 pages from PARTITION and LEGACY. She'd also like to see the first 20 pages of #7 AIR PIRATES, #17 DUO, and #19 REMAINDERS, all of which had "intriguing premises and promising pages," as Ms. Motter put it.
Congratulations, winners! Please e-mail me at kvandolzer(at)gmail(dot)com for details on how to submit your pages to Ms. Motter.
And to everyone else who entered and/or critiqued, thank you so much for your participation. This contest wouldn't have worked without you. I honestly can't tell you how grateful I am for your support.
The next round of "An Agent's Inbox" will start July 25, so make sure to drop by then!
Best query: #1 PARTITION
PARTITION wins a 10-page critique.
Best page: #12 LEGACY
LEGACY wins a query critique.
Ms. Motter would also like to see the first 100 pages from PARTITION and LEGACY. She'd also like to see the first 20 pages of #7 AIR PIRATES, #17 DUO, and #19 REMAINDERS, all of which had "intriguing premises and promising pages," as Ms. Motter put it.
Congratulations, winners! Please e-mail me at kvandolzer(at)gmail(dot)com for details on how to submit your pages to Ms. Motter.
And to everyone else who entered and/or critiqued, thank you so much for your participation. This contest wouldn't have worked without you. I honestly can't tell you how grateful I am for your support.
The next round of "An Agent's Inbox" will start July 25, so make sure to drop by then!
The Agent = Vickie Motter of Andrea Hurst Literary Management
This month's agent was Vickie Motter of Andrea Hurst Literary Management! You can find Ms. Motter in a bunch of places around the Internet, so if you're looking for more information on The Agent, check out these useful sites:
My interview with Ms. Motter
Ms. Motter's blog
Ms. Motter's Twitter page
Also, she graciously agreed to answer a few more questions for the purposes of this reveal post, so here they are. (Some of them, as you will see, are much more relevant than others... :) )
KV: What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?
VM: Cocoa marble fudge!
KV: What's the coolest place you've ever been?
VM: Sign Forest, Yukon, Canada.
KV: Well, of course I had to Google "Sign Forest, Yukon, Canada" to see what was so cool about it, and I found this nifty collection of photographs on Tabblo. I can definitely see what's so cool about it:) All right, back to the questions!
What's the coolest place you still want to visit?
VM: Some place with a really old castle and a morbid history.
KV: What query-writing suggestions do you have?
VM: Practice query writing--basically summarizing something you know really well--by writing them for books you've read, or for your friend's manuscript, then compare to back cover blurbs. This is great practice for verbal pitching too.
KV: Any last words of advice or encouragement you'd like to share with us?
VM: You're in the right place, on the right path, keep working hard! But remember to have fun too!!
And there you have it! Winners coming up in a few hours...
My interview with Ms. Motter
Ms. Motter's blog
Ms. Motter's Twitter page
Also, she graciously agreed to answer a few more questions for the purposes of this reveal post, so here they are. (Some of them, as you will see, are much more relevant than others... :) )
KV: What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?
VM: Cocoa marble fudge!
KV: What's the coolest place you've ever been?
VM: Sign Forest, Yukon, Canada.
KV: Well, of course I had to Google "Sign Forest, Yukon, Canada" to see what was so cool about it, and I found this nifty collection of photographs on Tabblo. I can definitely see what's so cool about it:) All right, back to the questions!
What's the coolest place you still want to visit?
VM: Some place with a really old castle and a morbid history.
KV: What query-writing suggestions do you have?
VM: Practice query writing--basically summarizing something you know really well--by writing them for books you've read, or for your friend's manuscript, then compare to back cover blurbs. This is great practice for verbal pitching too.
KV: Any last words of advice or encouragement you'd like to share with us?
VM: You're in the right place, on the right path, keep working hard! But remember to have fun too!!
And there you have it! Winners coming up in a few hours...
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
"An Agent's Inbox" Contest Underway!
Well, the contest's underway! I know some of the entries have a few small formatting issues, and I apologize for that. I just wanted to get these last entries all posted before I worried about anything else. I will go over all the entries this weekend and adjust the ones that need a little fixing.
In the meantime, critique away! Any and all feedback is fantastic, but if you want to be thinking like The Agent, you could answer the question, "How much of the entry did you read, and if you didn't read it all, why did you stop?"
I'll announce the winners and the prizes on Tuesday, July 5. See you next week!
In the meantime, critique away! Any and all feedback is fantastic, but if you want to be thinking like The Agent, you could answer the question, "How much of the entry did you read, and if you didn't read it all, why did you stop?"
I'll announce the winners and the prizes on Tuesday, July 5. See you next week!
An Agent's Inbox #20
Dear Competition Agent,
When a smart, imaginative eleven-year-old tries to make sense of a seemingly callous world, he discovers that dark family secrets are being kept right under his nose, and the most shocking, most heartbreaking is about him.
Blake Payne goes queasy at the sight of blood, thinks he might be in love with an older girl who uses him as a decoy in her schoolyard trafficking business and has riled his steely mother by getting suspended from school. He wants to repair his image. He wants his mother to like him again. Mostly, he wants to understand why his parents suddenly take off in different directions (which has never happened before) leaving him with his ailing grandparents. Piecing together disturbing things his snarly older sister says, Blake is sure it has something to do with an uncle he’s never even seen.
Blake means to get to the bottom of the mystery but life keeps getting more complicated. His normally down-to-earth grandfather starts asking crazy questions--like is the kitchen floor bucking under their feet. His Grandma is snappy all the time. Even Nelson, Grandpa’s sad-faced dog is behaving skittishly. What Blake finds out will change his life forever. What happens to his Grandpa will put his own problems into perspective. How his mother comes out of it will be almost as big a shock as where his mild tempered father fits in.
At 53,000 words, THE UNLUCKY PANDA is a YA novel in the realistic vein of stories like Kimberley Willis Holt’s WHEN ZACCHARY BEAVER CAME TO TOWN and the Scandinavian cult-classic, MY LIFE AS A DOG. Although this is a first novel I have written four non-fiction books, one published by McGraw-Hill and three published in the"for Dummies" series by Wiley. Per your guidelines I have pasted the 250 words of my new work at the end of this post. The whole book is available immediately. Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
T.W.
THE UNLUCKY PANDA
Blake Payne rocked. In the physical, nervous sense. Gripping the sides of his chair, his eyes set straight ahead to delay the sickening moment when he would see the outside door open and his mom come marching in, he swayed forwards and backwards. It was like he thought he might somehow wind-up the plastic, stackable, bad kids’ chair. He might set it into motion and then it might take off with him. Idiotic. It wouldn’t happen. Aside from the limitation of it being a chair and not a helicopter or space rocket, and the whole sequence of events being a stupid and utter fantasy cooked up in his brainless head as a distraction, it would also be a piece of good luck.
For once Blake didn’t really care what he looked like. He rocked like a mental case. If any of the sour faced secretaries in their open plan office, or any a** kissing student bringing a note from class, or any older girl clutching her stomach and pretending to be on the brink of death, saw him, he couldn’t care less. The rocking was better than slamming his fist into a wall, or screaming, or, the mosthumiliating thing he’d done recently, crying.
His mom would be here soon. Leaving her limp, gray-skinned patients, she was on her way. Had she told her staff sister the truth he wondered--that she was going to her jerk son’s school to sign him out on suspension? Blake seriously doubted it.
When a smart, imaginative eleven-year-old tries to make sense of a seemingly callous world, he discovers that dark family secrets are being kept right under his nose, and the most shocking, most heartbreaking is about him.
Blake Payne goes queasy at the sight of blood, thinks he might be in love with an older girl who uses him as a decoy in her schoolyard trafficking business and has riled his steely mother by getting suspended from school. He wants to repair his image. He wants his mother to like him again. Mostly, he wants to understand why his parents suddenly take off in different directions (which has never happened before) leaving him with his ailing grandparents. Piecing together disturbing things his snarly older sister says, Blake is sure it has something to do with an uncle he’s never even seen.
Blake means to get to the bottom of the mystery but life keeps getting more complicated. His normally down-to-earth grandfather starts asking crazy questions--like is the kitchen floor bucking under their feet. His Grandma is snappy all the time. Even Nelson, Grandpa’s sad-faced dog is behaving skittishly. What Blake finds out will change his life forever. What happens to his Grandpa will put his own problems into perspective. How his mother comes out of it will be almost as big a shock as where his mild tempered father fits in.
At 53,000 words, THE UNLUCKY PANDA is a YA novel in the realistic vein of stories like Kimberley Willis Holt’s WHEN ZACCHARY BEAVER CAME TO TOWN and the Scandinavian cult-classic, MY LIFE AS A DOG. Although this is a first novel I have written four non-fiction books, one published by McGraw-Hill and three published in the"for Dummies" series by Wiley. Per your guidelines I have pasted the 250 words of my new work at the end of this post. The whole book is available immediately. Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
T.W.
THE UNLUCKY PANDA
Blake Payne rocked. In the physical, nervous sense. Gripping the sides of his chair, his eyes set straight ahead to delay the sickening moment when he would see the outside door open and his mom come marching in, he swayed forwards and backwards. It was like he thought he might somehow wind-up the plastic, stackable, bad kids’ chair. He might set it into motion and then it might take off with him. Idiotic. It wouldn’t happen. Aside from the limitation of it being a chair and not a helicopter or space rocket, and the whole sequence of events being a stupid and utter fantasy cooked up in his brainless head as a distraction, it would also be a piece of good luck.
For once Blake didn’t really care what he looked like. He rocked like a mental case. If any of the sour faced secretaries in their open plan office, or any a** kissing student bringing a note from class, or any older girl clutching her stomach and pretending to be on the brink of death, saw him, he couldn’t care less. The rocking was better than slamming his fist into a wall, or screaming, or, the mosthumiliating thing he’d done recently, crying.
His mom would be here soon. Leaving her limp, gray-skinned patients, she was on her way. Had she told her staff sister the truth he wondered--that she was going to her jerk son’s school to sign him out on suspension? Blake seriously doubted it.
An Agent's Inbox #19
Dear Agent:
When sixteen-year-old Camryn Brock sneaks out and gets snatched by a group of drunks looking for some fun, she’s relieved to be rescued by an alluring stranger named Christian. Her relief turns to panic when, instead of taking her home, he claims her as his own prisoner.
While Camryn is something between freaked and pissed, she becomes absorbed in Christian and his family--who strangely seem to do whatever he commands. She discovers he's one of the elite chosen to live as a Remainder, leaving him to watch over the world while enduring everyday teenage life. But the Remainders’ secrets run deep, and the more Camryn uncovers about them, the more she loses her desire to get her butt back home. It doesn't help any that she's beginning to adore her captor either.
But being with Christian is more dangerous than Camryn realizes. Because not all Remainders are like him. Some thrive on stolen life, and some want hers.
REMAINDERS is a young adult paranormal romance complete at 88,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
M.W.
REMAINDERS
The books reeked of salt and rotting fish. I kind of liked it. The libraries back home only carried the scent of aged paper and dust. Not nearly as charming.
I continued to browse. I loved the search as much as the read. Cream cheese was my next stop. Running errands for Mom really bugged, but it gave me an excuse to get out. Alone.
New, shiny driver’s license. Back pocket. Me? Stoked. But Mom? Not so much. The picture had turned out dreadful, but fortunately, a glamorous photo wasn’t a requirement for the freedom it offered. Well, a little bit of freedom. Mom was still pretty stiff, but I would take anything to make my life less vanilla.
I turned toward the end of the aisle where a teenage boy sat by the window with a newspaper, bright colors parading over the comic section. He was watching me.
I froze.
His eyes bore into mine, but I couldn’t look away. An invisible darkness hungaround him, so flawless, I could almost taste its putrid flavor. But at the same time, I just wanted to gawk as my finger longed to slowly trace his sharp features--make sure he was real.
Strings of black hair fell over his forehead, screening his sunken eyes, and the bones in his face looked rigid beneath skin that could snap.
But there was more. Something ran deeper, radiated from within. Something I sensed more than saw. He was…different.
I could feel it.
When sixteen-year-old Camryn Brock sneaks out and gets snatched by a group of drunks looking for some fun, she’s relieved to be rescued by an alluring stranger named Christian. Her relief turns to panic when, instead of taking her home, he claims her as his own prisoner.
While Camryn is something between freaked and pissed, she becomes absorbed in Christian and his family--who strangely seem to do whatever he commands. She discovers he's one of the elite chosen to live as a Remainder, leaving him to watch over the world while enduring everyday teenage life. But the Remainders’ secrets run deep, and the more Camryn uncovers about them, the more she loses her desire to get her butt back home. It doesn't help any that she's beginning to adore her captor either.
But being with Christian is more dangerous than Camryn realizes. Because not all Remainders are like him. Some thrive on stolen life, and some want hers.
REMAINDERS is a young adult paranormal romance complete at 88,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
M.W.
REMAINDERS
The books reeked of salt and rotting fish. I kind of liked it. The libraries back home only carried the scent of aged paper and dust. Not nearly as charming.
I continued to browse. I loved the search as much as the read. Cream cheese was my next stop. Running errands for Mom really bugged, but it gave me an excuse to get out. Alone.
New, shiny driver’s license. Back pocket. Me? Stoked. But Mom? Not so much. The picture had turned out dreadful, but fortunately, a glamorous photo wasn’t a requirement for the freedom it offered. Well, a little bit of freedom. Mom was still pretty stiff, but I would take anything to make my life less vanilla.
I turned toward the end of the aisle where a teenage boy sat by the window with a newspaper, bright colors parading over the comic section. He was watching me.
I froze.
His eyes bore into mine, but I couldn’t look away. An invisible darkness hungaround him, so flawless, I could almost taste its putrid flavor. But at the same time, I just wanted to gawk as my finger longed to slowly trace his sharp features--make sure he was real.
Strings of black hair fell over his forehead, screening his sunken eyes, and the bones in his face looked rigid beneath skin that could snap.
But there was more. Something ran deeper, radiated from within. Something I sensed more than saw. He was…different.
I could feel it.
An Agent's Inbox #18
Dear Agent:
When Lorna McCloud's father died, she didn't cry--she buried him and vowedto avenge his murder. Years pass and she becomes an assassin, training herself as the ultimate killing machine. While trying to track down his murderer, she discovers she has the power to create and hide in artificial shadows. The Paranormal Intelligence Agency kidnaps Lorna, wanting to use her power, but she escapes to a small island, whose king many people want killed.
King Alaric is everything Lorna isn't--noble, kind, good. Falling for him slowly changes Lorna, but she can't ignore her vow. A mass gravesite on the island provides clues to her father's murder, why people want Alaric dead, and leads her back to the PIA, who promises Lorna the information she wants in exchange for her killing a seemingly random woman.
If Lorna achieves her life goal, Alaric will learn she is the assassin and turn against her, leaving her torn between duty and love.
HIDDEN IN SHADOWS is a complete 96,000-word urban fantasy standalone novel with series potential.
I am the author of a fantasy romance trilogy, WOMAN OF HONOR (2009), KNIGHT OF GLORY (2010), and CHAMPION OF VALOR (2011) published with Desert Breeze Publishing. I have also sold nine short stories for anthologies, including MERTALES by Wyvern Publications, and many collections by Pill Hill Press.
Sincerely,
N.Z.
HIDDEN IN SHADOWS
Heavy breathing. His--the hunted.
My unsuspecting prey muttered a curse as he lost his footing and slid a few feet down the mountainside.
I smiled. Easy pickings, compliments of cocaine.
Rocks tumbled down as he stumbled again, splinters of shale forcing me to hide behind a tree. I'd waited four days for this--my chance to hunt and kill him at my leisure with no eyewitness. I wasn't about to let him see me and make a break for it.
I peeked around the oak, and the setting sun momentarily blinded me, blood reds and flaming oranges blurring together like the gates of hell. How appropriate.
He stood, hunched over, his hands on his knees. His labored breathing shook his large frame, the back of his neck the same bright red as the sunset. If he continued at this pace, I might not have to kill him. His heart could give out. Perfect… save me the trouble.
But I couldn't rely on the possibility of a heart attack. He had to die by my hand if I wanted to be paid. I removed a throwing knife from its sheath inside my right boot and took aim.
Voices sounded, loud and near. Other hikers. I grimaced. Now was not the time to make my move.
The man now sat on the edge of the path in a stupor, idly picking up pebbles and letting them fall into a pile. The red Louisiana clay of Driskill Mountain stained his trembling fingers.
When Lorna McCloud's father died, she didn't cry--she buried him and vowedto avenge his murder. Years pass and she becomes an assassin, training herself as the ultimate killing machine. While trying to track down his murderer, she discovers she has the power to create and hide in artificial shadows. The Paranormal Intelligence Agency kidnaps Lorna, wanting to use her power, but she escapes to a small island, whose king many people want killed.
King Alaric is everything Lorna isn't--noble, kind, good. Falling for him slowly changes Lorna, but she can't ignore her vow. A mass gravesite on the island provides clues to her father's murder, why people want Alaric dead, and leads her back to the PIA, who promises Lorna the information she wants in exchange for her killing a seemingly random woman.
If Lorna achieves her life goal, Alaric will learn she is the assassin and turn against her, leaving her torn between duty and love.
HIDDEN IN SHADOWS is a complete 96,000-word urban fantasy standalone novel with series potential.
I am the author of a fantasy romance trilogy, WOMAN OF HONOR (2009), KNIGHT OF GLORY (2010), and CHAMPION OF VALOR (2011) published with Desert Breeze Publishing. I have also sold nine short stories for anthologies, including MERTALES by Wyvern Publications, and many collections by Pill Hill Press.
Sincerely,
N.Z.
HIDDEN IN SHADOWS
Heavy breathing. His--the hunted.
My unsuspecting prey muttered a curse as he lost his footing and slid a few feet down the mountainside.
I smiled. Easy pickings, compliments of cocaine.
Rocks tumbled down as he stumbled again, splinters of shale forcing me to hide behind a tree. I'd waited four days for this--my chance to hunt and kill him at my leisure with no eyewitness. I wasn't about to let him see me and make a break for it.
I peeked around the oak, and the setting sun momentarily blinded me, blood reds and flaming oranges blurring together like the gates of hell. How appropriate.
He stood, hunched over, his hands on his knees. His labored breathing shook his large frame, the back of his neck the same bright red as the sunset. If he continued at this pace, I might not have to kill him. His heart could give out. Perfect… save me the trouble.
But I couldn't rely on the possibility of a heart attack. He had to die by my hand if I wanted to be paid. I removed a throwing knife from its sheath inside my right boot and took aim.
Voices sounded, loud and near. Other hikers. I grimaced. Now was not the time to make my move.
The man now sat on the edge of the path in a stupor, idly picking up pebbles and letting them fall into a pile. The red Louisiana clay of Driskill Mountain stained his trembling fingers.
An Agent's Inbox #17
Dear awesome agent:
Lark Hawkins comes from a long line of mind manipulators. And it totally sucks that she has to follow The Rules.
She may possess the same thought-influencing gift as others scattered throughout history, but she's not exempt from the dos and don'ts of her tribe. At 16, Rule Three is killing her mojo: she's forbidden to make anyone fall in love with her.
Lark's broken the rule before but this time the Ducere are lurking. Once the king-making CIA of the Duo underground, its mission to recruit, train and mobilize Duos has taken a sinister turn under its new leader. He's using members' talents to wipe out Free Spirits, or people immune to Duo power, and Lark's strong abilities are on his radar. She's been warned to lay low but, obsessed with hockey star Peter Hubbard, Lark finds obedience as impossible as dancing in tar-covered ballet shoes. Giving in to one tiny temptation results in a tragic accident and Lark is forced to seek refuge offered by the Ducere at their headquarters in Oxford, England. Once there, Lark discovers she's a pawn in a game of murder. She'd better think fast or she'll become the weapon that devastates the lives of everyone she loves.
For 13 years, I was a journalist for papers in Minnesota, Washington, and most recently, the Anchorage Daily News. I'm a co-founder of a local chapter of the Alaska Writer's Guild and at one point, was represented by Janet Benrey of Benrey Literary Agency.
Thanks for your time,
M.W.
DUO
I didn’t really understand the definition of obstacle until I met Stewart Moore.
The first time I noticed him, he was just a boy in a flannel jacket throwing punches at Royce-the-gorilla, the appropriately named football player. My friends and I heard the noise in the main hallway after the final bell and pushed our way to the front of the yelling crowd.
I’d just caught sight of two writhing bodies wrestling on the floor when a skinny freshman crowed like a rooster right in my ear.
Turning to face him, I sent a spike of brain pain right between his eyes. The freshman--a string bean topped with a head of fuzzy hair and two gage earrings--stumbled backward, his face contorted as if he’d developed the worst headache.
Chrystal and Kaylee squeezed into the gap he left behind. Both had their phones out, thumbs blurring over keyboards while they simultaneously watched the fight.
I spent the next few seconds scanning screaming faces to spot my current crush, Peter Hubbard, whose curly black hair and height meant he towered above everyone else. He was the star center on our school hockey team, moved like a striking eagle on the ice and turned the air into a drug every time he was in the room. He watched his current girlfriend with a pair of hazel eyes that crowned her queen of all things.
And for the past month, I’d wanted to be the new queen.
Lark Hawkins comes from a long line of mind manipulators. And it totally sucks that she has to follow The Rules.
She may possess the same thought-influencing gift as others scattered throughout history, but she's not exempt from the dos and don'ts of her tribe. At 16, Rule Three is killing her mojo: she's forbidden to make anyone fall in love with her.
Lark's broken the rule before but this time the Ducere are lurking. Once the king-making CIA of the Duo underground, its mission to recruit, train and mobilize Duos has taken a sinister turn under its new leader. He's using members' talents to wipe out Free Spirits, or people immune to Duo power, and Lark's strong abilities are on his radar. She's been warned to lay low but, obsessed with hockey star Peter Hubbard, Lark finds obedience as impossible as dancing in tar-covered ballet shoes. Giving in to one tiny temptation results in a tragic accident and Lark is forced to seek refuge offered by the Ducere at their headquarters in Oxford, England. Once there, Lark discovers she's a pawn in a game of murder. She'd better think fast or she'll become the weapon that devastates the lives of everyone she loves.
For 13 years, I was a journalist for papers in Minnesota, Washington, and most recently, the Anchorage Daily News. I'm a co-founder of a local chapter of the Alaska Writer's Guild and at one point, was represented by Janet Benrey of Benrey Literary Agency.
Thanks for your time,
M.W.
DUO
I didn’t really understand the definition of obstacle until I met Stewart Moore.
The first time I noticed him, he was just a boy in a flannel jacket throwing punches at Royce-the-gorilla, the appropriately named football player. My friends and I heard the noise in the main hallway after the final bell and pushed our way to the front of the yelling crowd.
I’d just caught sight of two writhing bodies wrestling on the floor when a skinny freshman crowed like a rooster right in my ear.
Turning to face him, I sent a spike of brain pain right between his eyes. The freshman--a string bean topped with a head of fuzzy hair and two gage earrings--stumbled backward, his face contorted as if he’d developed the worst headache.
Chrystal and Kaylee squeezed into the gap he left behind. Both had their phones out, thumbs blurring over keyboards while they simultaneously watched the fight.
I spent the next few seconds scanning screaming faces to spot my current crush, Peter Hubbard, whose curly black hair and height meant he towered above everyone else. He was the star center on our school hockey team, moved like a striking eagle on the ice and turned the air into a drug every time he was in the room. He watched his current girlfriend with a pair of hazel eyes that crowned her queen of all things.
And for the past month, I’d wanted to be the new queen.
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