We Have Winners!

Without any ado, Ms. Jeglinski's winners:

Third place: #5 THE COUNTLESS THREADS OF RAE JULY

THE COUNTLESS THREADS OF RAE JULY wins a request for the first chapter!

Second place: #10 BREAKFAST WITH NERUDA

BREAKFAST WITH NERUDA wins a request for the first 50 pages!

First place: #1 THE ONLY WAY TO CHANGE

THE ONLY WAY TO CHANGE wins a full request!

Congratulations, winners! Please e-mail me at kvandolzer(at)gmail(dot)com for details on how to submit your materials to Ms. Jeglinski.

Last but certainly not least, a huge thank-you to Ms. Jeglinski for judging this month's round and a huge thank-you to YOU for entering, reading, and commenting. You really are the ones who make these contests work.

"An Agent's Inbox" Is Live!

And we're off! Check out the entries, then leave some feedback in the comments if you feel so inclined. (ENTRANTS, PLEASE REMEMBER TO CRITIQUE AT LEAST THREE OTHER ENTRIES!) And I'm sure this goes without saying, but please keep your comments constructive (i.e., not rude or mean-spirited). If you want to think like The Agent, you might consider the question, "How much of the entry did you read, and if you didn't read it all, why did you stop?"

I'll announce Ms. Jeglinski's winners and prizes at the beginning of next week, but until then, have at it!

(Also, just so you're aware, I always take out profanity when I'm formatting the entries. In other words, any asterisks you see in the entries are mine, so you don't need to point them out to the entrants. I just prefer to keep things as PG-rated as possible on the blog.

Last but not least, entrants, if you find a Krista-generated error in your post, feel free to shoot me an e-mail, and I'll correct it straightaway.)

An Agent's Inbox #20

Dear Melissa:

Lis Fairchild is excited to meet her sister’s boyfriend, right up until she recognizes him as the random stranger she hooked up with the last time she was home. When Lis tells her sister what happened, she locks herself in her room and refuses to speak to Lis. 

To assuage her guilt, Lis joins The Hallowell Agency, a group of women devoted to exposing cheating husbands and boyfriends. She might have broken her sister’s heart, but at least she can help make sure no other girl has to feel that way. 

She is assigned to investigate Will Stratford, who looks exactly like a young Captain Kirk--on whom Lis has had a crush since her dad introduced her to Star Trek at thirteen. Lis falls hard for Will, but if he responds to her advances…then he’s the kind of guy she can’t fall for.

Lis is ready to leave the Agency and its deceptions behind, until they take on a new client: Lis’s mom. Lis can’t believe that her geeky dad would get his Kling-on with another woman. It’s up to her to find the truth and keep her family together.

BOLDLY GO is a 70,000 word work of Women’s Fiction. Lis volunteers at a vet clinic, which I think will appeal to your love of animals (although I will admit Lis is more of a “dog person”).

Thank you for your consideration, and for participating in An Agent’s Inbox.

K.R.

BOLDLY GO

It was Nick's fault, really. If he hadn't broken up with me, then lied about leaving Fort Collins, I wouldn't have driven home to Laramie. I wouldn't have missed a shift at work and gotten fired. And then I wouldn't have tried to cheer myself up by going to the second dirtiest bar in Laramie and hooking up with the first guy who showed any interest. Which was how I met Wyatt the first time.

The second time I met Wyatt, he was late for dinner.

Mom and Dad were both glaring at Adele. I felt bad for my little sister, withering under their combined stares, so I tried to help her out by lightening the mood.

"There's a guy in my Biochem class who looks just like a young William Shatner."

They completely ignored me, even Mom, who had been harping on me to get over Nick ever since the "incident" in July. But instead of asking whether I knew his name (I didn't), they started in on Adele.

"Did you tell your boyfriend that we'd be eating dinner promptly at six?" Dad asked. Adele nodded meekly.

"Did he tell you he was going to be late?" Mom that time. Adele shook her head.

I pulled my phone out from its hiding place under my leg. Mom is very strict about not having our phones at the dinner table, but she was too preoccupied with Adele's boyfriend being ten minutes late to notice me checking my e-mail.    

An Agent's Inbox #19

Ms. Jeglinski,

Since historical romance is on your #MSWL, I thought you might be a good fit for my novel. THE SAPPHIRE LEGACY is a 75,000-word historical romance set in Victorian England.

Mae Blackthorne has been taught how to ride dressage, embroider pillows and dance the waltz. So when her brother’s death puts the family’s shipbuilding business in her hands, it isn’t long before the business is in bankruptcy and Mae is penniless. Forced to take a post as governess, Mae thinks she’s doomed to a life of poverty. That is, until she meets Ethan Locke, a pirate who offers her an enticing opportunity to recover her wealth.

Unbeknownst to Mae, her family had been using their shipbuilding business to shroud generations of successful piracy. Locke, who was once partners with her father, has an old score to settle. He claims that her father stole from him an object of great value: a sapphire that can give its owner eternal life. As her father’s last surviving heir, Mae is Locke’s only hope of finding it along with her family’s secret fortune.

Agreeing to work together and split the fortune amongst themselves, there’s no denying the spark of attraction between them. But they’re not alone in their search. The true owners of the sapphire, who operate an elite secret society, are far more powerful than Mae and Locke could’ve ever imagined. And as the dangerous men close in, Mae fears she has much more to lose than just a second chance at luxury. She could lose any chance she has for love, or life.

THE SAPPHIRE LEGACY has similarities to Amanda Quick’s successful Arcane Society novels.

My query and the first 250 words have been featured in both the "Sun Versus Snow" and "Writer's Voice" query contests. With a degree in journalism, I have written for various publications including the St. Louis Post-Dispatch and Session Daily, a news service provided by the Minnesota House of Representatives. As an undergraduate, I also received an award for writing about women’s issues.

The first 250 words are below.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
L.S.

THE SAPPHIRE LEGACY

May 1836, somewhere on the Atlantic

Ethan Locke tightened his grip on two leather bound books, ready to run. The distant high pitch screech of a whistle signaled departure. He had only a few minutes to make it back to ship so he and his crew could set sail.

But he couldn’t go. Not just yet. Mixed in with the mahogany furnishings of the captain’s quarters, he caught a flash of gold. Behind red velvet curtains swaying with the ship, a small gold chest fell in and out of view. It was hidden for a reason. Without a doubt whatever was inside would be valuable indeed.

Of course he couldn’t leave now. Greed beckoned him. Disregarding his need for haste, he inched his way to the chest, pulled back the curtain and lifted its unsecured lid.

Disappointment dropped through him. Without a lock, it might not have been valuable after all. But as soon as his eyes met the contents, his breath caught. The books he had been so grateful to find thudded to the floor.

Two items were suspended in black velvet. The first he noticed was a small blue bottle strangely attached to a silver chain. That didn’t seem worth much. But the other item, also on a silver chain, was a sapphire and blue like the deepest ocean. As if in a kind of protection, it was wrapped in swirling silver filigree. Though the lamps in the cabin had gone dim, it sparkled nonetheless. Deep within, a dazzling fire blazed.

An Agent's Inbox #18

Dear Melissa, 

Twelve year old JADEN has a lot to live up to. His father is Sudner’s greatest hero. He wants to be the warrior everyone is expecting, but Jaden prefers books to battles. When he hid in a tree as his father was captured by the fierce race of WARGAULS, his feeling of failure was compounded. Jaden sets off on a quest to redeem himself and rescue his father.

In the midst of being stuck traveling with the bully from battle school, as well as fighting off a sea monster and sorceress, Jaden discovers an even harder assignment is placed on his shoulders. He’s been called by the leaders of a hidden kingdom to become the Guardian of Sudner.  To do so, he’ll not only have to learn old magic, but somehow find the courage to defeat the Wargauls in a battle for the survival of Sudner.

THE GUARDIAN OF SUDNER is an uplifting middle grade fantasy adventure that will be appealing to reluctant readers because of its fast pace and an extended story arc for a series. Something I feel sets it apart from current fantasy is the father/son relationship theme. Throughout the story, three boys are dealing with their feelings of living up to what their fathers expect.  

I’ve enclosed the first chapter for you to consider. The entire manuscript is available upon request. It runs about 57,000 words in length.

Though this is my first novel, I have previously written for Meridian Magazine, Latter-day Homeschooling, Women’s Day, The Boer Goat, Brio, and Cleaner Times.  

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

A.W.

THE GUARDIAN OF SUDNER

Jaden Andreist put off leaving for as long as possible, but no sudden illness had overtaken him.  It was time for battle class. Reluctantly, he put his elements book away and made his way out the castle doors.

He’d been practicing for months with Klevi, one of the top battle students, in exchange for tutoring him in runes.  A week ago he felt confident. He’d been sparring better than ever. He’d even won two of their duels. But today was different. Today was Jaden’s turn in the sparring circle.

The other boys in class loved sparring. It was the best part of turning twelve. No longer were they trapped doing nothing but endless boring drills in battle training. Now they got to show off their skill going head to head in real duels, even if they were using dummy swords. For the other boys it was a dream come true. For Jaden, it felt more like a nightmare. He preferred books to battles. If you made a mistake with a book, no one died.

“Jaden, wait up!”

He turned around and saw his friend Brandon running, his wavy brown hair bouncing. Jaden laughed and looked to see if any girls were around. If they were, they’d probably be sighing. The girls loved Brandon--and his hair.

“I thought I was the last one to head to battle training,” Jaden said when Brandon caught up.

“I wish. I was trapped getting lectured by my father about not taking school seriously enough.”

An Agent's Inbox #17

Dear Melissa Jeglinski,

I am looking for representation for a fantasy series of which I am working on the second volume. Angelhaven is a follow on series from The Green Woman which I finished self-publishing this summer after retrieving my rights from Musa Publishing. Angelhaven (70,000 words) picks up the stories of the main characters of The Green Woman three years into their utopian dream. Which is beginning to turn just a little sour.

This is a YA/crossover series. There is no ‘adult’ content, gratuitous gore or sex, so although the main characters are in their late teens/early twenties, the story is completely accessible to teenage readers. It is a story of a utopia, a place where myth and fantasy play a part, and a love story for some of the characters, who still have to find themselves in a new world where the old laws of brute force and obedience no longer hold sway.

After the grim dystopia of Providence, the people liberated from the tyranny of the Elders have begun to build a new life in the Garden. The magic that created the Garden is fading as they take their destinies in hand. But a wind of change is blowing through the idyll. Two winds. A strange, soft wind from out the west brings a hint of summer to the end of the hard winter, and the whispered promise of better things to come from an unknown golden man. At the same time, a black wind howls down from the barbarian fort in the mountain pass promising bloodshed and death.

The love that built Angelhaven is faltering and the wild Scyldings will wield the axe that puts it to the test.

You can see The Green Woman books and read a short bio on my Amazon author page here:

[redacted]

As well as Angelhaven I am also querying a YA apocalyptic (not post-apocalyptic) two part story set in a crumbling shopping mall at the end of the world.

Thank you for accepting to read my submission.

J.D.

ANGELHAVEN

Prologue

Scyld stood on the edge of the rocky outcrop and looked down from the mountain, over the treetops and the river Wildbach. He held a hand over his eyes to shield them from the glare of the sun. In the other hand he held an axe, its head resting on the ground at his feet. He noted the plumes of white smoke that the breeze caught and dispersed, and he scowled.

The wind veered briefly round to the west bringing with it the spring smells of damp earth and pinewoods. Scyld wrinkled his nose. He could not quite smell the fires in the hearths, the cattle in the pastures, the food cooking and the thousand other smells that meant settlement. But he knew it was there. Beyond the river Wildbach, beyond the forest of beech and oak it was there, the outlanders’ village.

The man frowned, drawing shaggy brows together. His fingers tightened around the haft of the axe, not in fear but in anger. Scyld was not the chief of his people for nothing. He knew where the outlanders came from, knew what it meant. While the Scyldings had fought to survive the terror unleashed by the furious gods, famine, cold, and man-eating demons spawned by the endless night, others had had an easier time. The völva who sent him blood dreams and war visions had shown him.

In his dreams he had crossed the Wildbach, crossed the mountains beyond, to the Great River and the desolation of its further bank. He had seen the strange fort, the dome of steel and crystal that protected the lucky ones from the death and destruction around them. And now they had emerged. Like butterflies.

An Agent's Inbox #16

Greetings Melissa Jeglinski,

The Knight Agency has a great reputation. When I discovered you were up for the September Agent Inbox, I jumped at the chance to introduce for consideration of representation my 72,000-word-count YA dystopian, DEAD GIRL RUNNING.

Eighteen-year-old SILVIA WOOD has never heard of an unplanned pregnancy. Because of the New Order, there is no more war. Rape and domestic violence have been eliminated. Unemployment is at zero percent. The cameras of Panopticus keep the citizens safe…and obedient.

Eight years ago, Silvia's father died in an industrial accident. After suffering through years of Psychotherapy Services and Mandated Medications for depression and multiple suicide attempts, she longs to work in Botanical Sciences. When the Occupation Exam determines she must work in Mortuary Sciences instead, she wonders if the New Order assigned her to the morgue to push her over the edge.

To appease her disappointed mother, the once famous violinist YOSHE WOOD, Silvia enters the Race for Citizen Glory, in an attempt to stand out in the crowd of Equals. After she begins training with "golden boy" LIAM HARMAN, she discovers he also lost his father in the same accident that ruined Silvia's life. When Silvia meets and falls for FRANCO HARMAN, Liam's older cousin, his paranoid intensity makes her question what really happened to her father. As the race nears, Silvia realizes that she's not only running for glory, she's running for her life.

DEAD GIRL RUNNING is a cross between THE GIVER, THE HANDMAIDEN'S TALE, and Agenda 21.

My first novel, How to Date Dead Guys, (a New Adult Urban Fantasy) was published in July 2014 by Curiosity Quills. I've learned so much this past year about making important connections and promoting myself as a professional writer. Now I'd like an agent's guidance to take my career to the next level. Besides writing fiction, I’ve penned articles for the Post Bulletin newspaper (for my Pet Vet column), RunMinnesota magazine, the DVM360 journal, and The Wagazine.

Per your instructions, the first 250 words are included below.

I look forward to hearing from you,

A.M.N.

DEAD GIRL RUNNING

Chapter 1—HAPPY BIRTHDAY

My tenth birthday was the worst day of my life. Dad had to work late, because his replacement didn't show up on time. Mom and I waited for him to come home.

Eight years later, we're still waiting.

Most kids would've requested a Vacation Pass for their eighteenth birthday, but not me. I'd rather forget the whole thing and help Gus prepare the chilled bodies in the hospital mortuary. I drag myself out of bed and pull on teal scrubs.

I fumble for socks and shoes, and a ray of early sunlight glints off my dad's picture hanging on the wall across the room. Once again, his blue eyes capture mine, as if he needs to tell me something important. On the floor beneath the photo sits a memory trunk full of how things used to be. But I won't open it today. I just can't.

Dishes clink in the kitchen. Mom calls out, "Hurry up, Silvia. I've got a surprise for you."

She sounds happy, but I can't tell if it's real. Since Dad's death, both of us have done a lot of pretending. So far this year we've been able to avoid Psychotherapy Services and Mandated Medications, but sometimes I wonder if I was sent down to Mortuary Sciences to push me over the edge. Fortunately, I find autopsies intriguing, not depressing. And since I never got to see Dad's body after the accident, caring for other people's dead soothes the empty ache inside.

An Agent's Inbox #15

Dear Ms. Jeglinski, 

  

I am writing to seek representation for my novel BY A CHARM AN  A CURSE. Complete at 65,000 words, it's a standalone Young Adult Contemporary Fantasy told from two points of view.   

A walking, talking bundle of low self-esteem, seventeen-year-old Emma is seduced by the boy in a carnival fortune-telling booth, and kisses him. But with the kiss comes a curse, and immediately Emma’s skin petrifies until all she can feel is a brutal cold. The next day, deprived of her family and friends, she learns that the only way she can free herself is by passing on the curse to another rube. 

  

Thanks to the charm protecting LeGrand’s Carnival Fantastic, apprentice carpenter Alan is preternaturally lucky. He has never experienced any hardship, much less heartbreak. When the new girl shows up, he desperately wants to help her, but doing so means putting himself at risk of being the next recipient of the curse. 

  

Alan and Emma are convinced they’ve found a solution--break the curse.  But when the charm begins to weaken as a result, endangering everyone who calls LeGrand’s home, they have to decide if the cost of their own freedom is worth the destruction of the carnival.  

I am a graphic designer for the University of Houston’s College of Education. I live in the suburbs of Houston with my husband, two kids, and neurotic dogs. I have a weakness for makeup, nice paper, and good chocolate. 

  

Sincerely, 

J.Q.

BY A CHARM AND A CURSE

Emma

Jules can’t sing for s***.  But there she is, howling a painfully off-key song to the boy in the box, making a fool of herself.  It’s cringe-worthy, but then, most of the things that Jules does are mortifying, so this is really just par for the course.

“Jules!” I have to yell to be heard over screaming children and the rush of the roller coaster running on questionably assembled tracks nearby.  I tighten my coat, a small measure in a losing battle against the cold.  “Leave the guy alone, he’s just doing his job.

And it’s a lame-a** job at that.  The carnival has set up a wood and glass booth to look like one of those old automated fortunetellers.  The bottom half is ornately carved wood painted a fiery red that almost glows, and the panels of glass making up the top half are covered in swirling gold paint proclaiming Futures seen!  Fortunes told!  Small bulbous lights line the ceiling of the booth, filling it with a warm light, but it doesn’t hide the fact that the paint is chipping and the glass is covered in sticky, child-sized fingerprints.

Inside, the poor schmuck in question stands at attention, arms held out in awkward angles like he’s going to start doing the robot at any minute.  His face is painted white, with rosy red circles dotting his cheeks and dark powder shaping his eyebrows into wry arches.  His glossy, plastic-y black hair has been styled into a slick wave that makes me think of a 1920s soda jerk.  He’s seriously cute.  But I’m here with Jules, so I don’t stand a chance.