An Agent's Inbox #5

Dear Ms. Nelson,

Michael Flynn and Shelly Miller, the main characters in my contemporary YA novel, BREAKFAST WITH NERUDA (Merit Press, 2016,) started appearing in my dreams, leading me to write what has become a three book series. Part two of the trilogy, THE LANGUAGE OF THE SON, is 65,000 words and ready to ensnare readers further into Michael and Shelly’s story.

In the first book of the series, Michael’s quest was to find his father, a man he has never met because Michael’s mother refused to reveal his identity. With his girlfriend Shelly’s help, Michael unburies the secret of his origins. Now that he knows the man’s name and where to find him, Michael needs to decide what to do with that information. Will bringing up the past send Michael’s emotionally fragile mother further into an abyss? 

Now a recent high school graduate, Michael is granted a life changing opportunity to participate in a summer workshop taking place in Seattle, the same city where his father lives. Yet it’s also where Shelly ex-boyfriend Theo resides, and they will be staying with him during the early part of the journey. Suddenly Michael feels overwhelmed. He has left behind everything and everyone he loves, and as much as Michael wants to bond with Theo, he’s threatened by Shelly’s intimate connection to him. 

Will the ever increasing conflicts between Michael and Shelly cost them their relationship? How will knowing his father enable Michael to complete the puzzle of his identity? And if he meets the man he has yearned for all his life, will that man welcome him or reject him?

I am a former high school teacher now writing full-time. Enclosed are the first 250 words of THE LANGUAGE OF THE SON. Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
L.M.

THE LANGUAGE OF THE SON

My girlfriend Shelly insists I take the window since it’s my first flight, so I’m crushed against the wall on this claustrophobic jet and more than a little freaked out. Pretty much everyone knows I’m headed to Seattle for a five-week summer writing workshop. It came with a full scholarship, so how could I pass up the deal? But only a select few know the real reason I’m going there: to meet my father. Problem is, until four o’clock this morning he didn’t know he was my father.

“Statistically, flying is the safest way to die,” Shelly says, and grins at me.

“What?” 

She bumps her shoulder into mine. “I’m teasing, silly. It’s statistically the safest way to travel.”

“I hate you so much,” I say. I turn my face toward the window. Below me guys in neon yellow vests are loading bags onto the plane.

“Yeah, but you can’t live without me.” She wraps her hands around my bicep and snuggles against me. Muffled chatter, the click of seat belts, the slam bang of bags stowed overhead, a baby crying, and the acrid odor of jet fuel surround us. If this is the end of my life, are these the last things I will remember before we explode mid air? I take a hard swallow to keep my breakfast down.

My mother used to say bad things didn’t happen on sunny days, but I have learned my mother is not a reliable source.

An Agent's Inbox #4

Dear Ms. Nelson,

The world’s first virtual reality game is under attack by a virus: a nameless non-player character who offers fake quests, loots players’ treasure chests, and has triggered a massive orc-human war between two cities.

Unknown to the players, the rogue NPC is actually Natalie Peijing Cai, a Chinese-American scholarship student. After losing every cent in her bank account to an online thief, she enters a massive multi-player virtual reality game with monetary rewards. There, she is accidentally categorized as a non-player character when she makes her username her initials, NPC.

In the real world, Natalie struggles with impatient landlords, incompetent TAs, and a handsome classmate who seems determined to catch her stealing food from the school cafeteria. In the virtual world, she’s hunted by the same classmate, genius inventor of virtual reality Erik Cederstrom, who believes her to be a dangerous AI.

When Natalie’s family spirals into financial difficulties, she tackles a high-level quest to loot a dragon’s hoard. Her only recourse is to trick other players into fighting her battles by handing out fake quests. With thousands of dollars at stake, she’ll end up in serious legal trouble if anyone finds out she’s not a real non-player character.

My 72,000 word young adult novel NPC: Non-Player Character explores a virtual fantasy world with real world consequences.

I have had fiction published in the Whortleberry Press anthology Strange Changes, Short-Story.Me and Short Fiction Break, and I have stories forthcoming in Abyss & Apex Magazine and Every Day Fiction. While studying for my economics PhD, I have coauthored eight nonfiction research papers and four blog posts.

I submitted this novel for your consideration because your interest in young adult fiction with strong heroines and diverse characters. Upon your request, I am prepared to send the complete manuscript.

Thank you for taking the time to consider representing my work.

Sincerely, 

K.T.

NPC: NON-PLAYER CHARACTER

I’m not proud of it, but late at night after everyone had left the virtual reality center, I snuck back in. A thousand excuses sat easy on my lips as I stood before the white door, fumbling with my key: I forgot my cell phone; I accidentally walked out with the check-in clipboard; I thought I saw a light and just went in to turn it off like a good employee. Admittedly, if anyone caught me inside a VR capsule, I had no idea what I would say.

Once inside, I let my flashlight trail across the concrete floor, white-grey walls, and the receptionist’s desk in the middle. Finding another key on the ring, I opened the door to the capsule room.

The ceiling was high, my flashlight lighting up exposed pipes and beams overhead. Six hundred dentist-style horizontal chairs covered by glass capsules were packed together in twenty rows.

Keeping the flashlight tucked under my arm, I fiddled with the control panel and got the glass capsule to slide open. After placing the shiny silver helmet over my head, I lay back on the reclining chair. The blood pressure cuff around my wrist would alert the machine if I started moving while in the trance state. A button on the chair’s arm closed the capsule. The helmet covered my face and a screen lit up in front of my eyes.

My solitary voice sounded weak and embarrassed as I spoke into the deserted building: “Activate the Game.”

An Agent's Inbox #3

Dear Ms. Nelson,

Reading on your MSWL that you like heartwarming MG with a dash of magic, I am hoping that MY SOMETHING AMAZING would be a good fit for your list. It is contemporary about a childhood friendship evolving into something different and perhaps more. In the vein of FLIPPED with a touch of magical realism. 

When a mysterious lady moves into the ramshackle leftover farm in the woods, 12-year-old Evie cannot believe her luck. Suddenly, there are horses on the edge of her suburban neighborhood. Evie decides that she is going to ride one of the horses if it’s the last thing she does. She hooks her best friend Oliver into helping her sneak a ride.

As seventh grade comes to an end, Evie thinks of nothing except learning to ride. Well, maybe Oliver is popping up in her thoughts too. Lately, she is not thinking of him as just a friend.

Turns out the lady at the farm is more than mysterious. When Evie secretly witnesses what she suspects is the horse lady bringing a bird back to life, she strikes up a friendship with her. Her name is Jemima Blaze and she allows Evie to hang around the barn. It becomes Evie’s favorite place to be, especially when Oliver starts ignoring her in favor of his baseball team.

Jemima grows more fascinating to Evie. Although she explains it away, animals seem to heal in seconds flat after she gives them a little encouragement. As her friendship with Oliver seems to slip away, heartbroken Evie escapes to the barn and Jemima. She finds that a little magical healing works wonders. 

MY SOMETHING AMAZING is complete at 31000 words and my first 250 words are below. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

K.E.M.

MY SOMETHING AMAZING

I was never supposed to be alone in the woods, but I had to veer off the path to see the horses. It was dumb luck I guess, but a lady with horses moved back into what my dad called the old ramshackle place. No way that should have happened in my regular neighborhood. But just at the peak of my horse obsession, there they were. 

The owner of the horses was considered a mystery on my street. All we knew was she inherited the place about a year ago. It stood empty for years looking pretty sad and saggy. Then all of a sudden, the barn was being renovated and a new roof was put on the house. Moving trucks showed up in the late fall. As me and the other kids walked to the bus stop, we watched what was going on through the trees.

Once winter hit, we usually got a ride to the school bus so it wasn’t until last spring that I was walking through the path and saw him. The palomino horse appeared first. The leaves were just getting full so when I saw movement through the trees, I wasn’t sure if I was seeing things or not.

I thought I was dreaming or something. I could not believe that a horse was right there. I crept through the woods as though if I moved too fast, I would scare him away forever.

An Agent's Inbox #2

Dear Ms. Nelson,

After reading your page on the Manuscript Wish List website, I was eager to see if my work might be a fit for you. I’m grateful Krista’s contest presents an opportunity to connect.

I offer PINK GUITARS AND FALLING STARS; a YA contemporary RAPUNZEL meets ROMEO AND JULIET mash-up from the prince’s point of view set against the backdrop of the music industry.

In fair Hollywood where we set our scene, sixteen-year-old indie musician, Justin MacKenzie, is determined to kick it to the top of Rampion Records’ Summer Number One professional vs. amateur singing competition. The chickadee to beat in the annual televised contest is the rock establishment’s pop princess, Zeli, our Rapunzel. Her trademark Joseph’s Coat of extensions stretch as a long as a football field with designs ranging from a neon flexi-straw weave to original Peter Max art. Zeli’s bubblegum brand of pop played on a pink guitar is an affront to everything Justin loves about music.

On the eve of Summer Number One auditions, Justin unwittingly puts Zeli and her million dollar extensions in danger. Enraged, the label’s creeptastic president, Grant Gothel, banishes Justin from the competition and locks prize pony, Zeli, in the Rampion Record’s Tower to protect his investment. Now Justin must create an alternate identity for a shot at the competition. In the process, Justin sees through the veneer of Zeli’s fame to find a girl worth saving from the tower.

This story would interest readers who enjoy the fairy tale twists in THE LUNAR CHRONICLES series. PINK GUITARS AND FALLING STARS works as a stand alone, but has series potential for other playful fairy tale/Shakespeare mash-ups. Its word count is approximately 96,000.

While on the faculty of the Department of Theatre at UCLA, several of my plays were produced. Short stories of mine appear in small presses. I teach in elementary education and am a member of the SCBWI.

Following please find the first 250 words of my story. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
L.S.R.

PINK GUITARS AND FALLING STARS

Chapter 1: Jumper

You only get one parachute. No point packing two for a B.A.S.E. jump since you’ll be pavement art before the second chute blossoms.

“JUSTIN!”

Uncle Timmer startles me, and my toe jerks to a stop an inch above the trigger pedal of my launcher. Is his gray matter shredded, distracting me during a safety check? There’s no chute on my back. One accidental tap on the business end of this launcher, and I’ll be eye to eye with the flock of seagulls patrolling Hollywood skies. I retreat onto the non-ballistic end of my perch. Peering over the edge of the Rampion Records Tower, I analyze the antics of the wind.

“Join us,” Unc calls, teeth clenched in a smile. He hosts a cluster of reporters near the center of the circular roof. “Meet the youngest member of the Slinging Seven.” Their faces morph into a collective portrait of panic as I leap more dramatically than necessary from launcher to the terra firma of the rooftop. After saluting the Hollywood sign, a photo op Unc will appreciate, I join the party to keep a smile on Timmer MacKenzie’s face. He controls the green light for my carcass to launch off skyscrapers, bridges, and cliffs in a wing suit.

Unc adheres to a superhuman canon of safety, but he can’t control the wreath of clouds adorning the tower. Humidity. Trickier conditions. My bangs congeal into a sweaty clump. Sixteen is too young to die when you have plans, and I have plans.

An Agent's Inbox #1

Dear Ms. Nelson,

Thank you for considering my novel LIKE BLOOD FROM STONE, a 60,000-word young adult bildungsroman set in rural Pennsylvania at the onset of the fracking energy revolution. I am sending it to you because of your interest in LGBTQ literature. 

In LIKE BLOOD FROM STONE, high school seniors and childhood friends Nick O’Connor and Rory Amato look for a way to make the most of their last year. They design a scheme to spend more time together, but the pact brings a volatile layer of intimacy and threatens to derail their college plans. At the same time, their home in rural Hartfield, Pennsylvania, is imperiled by the coming of Energon, a natural gas company whose heavy equipment and hefty mineral contracts threaten to industrialize the area and turn families and neighbors against one another. As the boys decide to gamble their friendship for a shot at something more, Hartfield itself is forced to question what it values. When Nick's own family is caught in the crossfire and his relationship with Rory is brutally exposed, he discovers that no cause is ever pure, and that sometimes going after what we want means letting go of what we have.

This is my first book-length work. My fiction has appeared in The Rampallian under my pen name, Heath Fields. I have also published curriculum projects for Journeys in Film at the USC Annenberg Norman Lear Center, and an article in Independent Teacher. I hold degrees from St. John’s College and the Bread Loaf School of English. During the academic year, I teach English at Groton School in Massachusetts.

I have included the first 250 words of LIKE BLOOD FROM STONE. Thank you again for your time and consideration.

Sincerely yours,

J.F.-C.


LIKE BLOOD FROM STONE

Nick looked out the window and traced the rise and fall of the power lines, synchronizing his breath to their rhythm. He closed his eyes against the sun and watched the phosphenes dance like bubbles across his vision. But for his parents’ voices in the front seat, he could almost believe he was back in the water, pushing through the liquid gloaming, watching for that glint of golden light that would lead him to his quarry. He held his breath and leaned deeper into the darkness, his skin reaching out to make contact with the desire of his dreams, his arms closing around the elusive body when the car lurched and brought him rushing back to reality. They were home. 

The O’Connors’ Suburban pulled into the driveway between their house and the Amatos’. Nick’s pulse quickened as he scanned the driveway for the familiar Volvo wagon, but no. Rory wouldn’t return until school forced him to. One more week.

The vehicle came to a stop under the carport behind the house. 

“Ya did good, Sally,” Jack said, stroking the dash as the engine ticked. “This girl’s got life in her yet, ya know,” he said, looking significantly at his wife in the passenger seat.

“She won’t last forever,” Cheryl replied. “One day she’ll turn over for the last time, and I don’t want to be on I-81 when it happens. Poor thing’s eleven years old as it is.”

“I’m just saying don’t put her in the grave before her time is all. We can’t afford to go out and buy a new car every time her oil needs changed.”

DON'T VOTE FOR ME Is Out in Paperback!

AMAZON | B&N | BAM | INDIEBOUND | !NDIGO | POWELL’S | GOODREADS

It's been a year since DON'T VOTE FOR ME came out in hardcover, and you know what that means--DON'T VOTE FOR ME is now out in paperback! You can purchase it at any of the retailers listed above or ask your favorite indie to order it for you (if they're not stocking it already).

And now we return to this week's round* of "An Agent's Inbox" with Patricia Nelson of Marsal Lyon Literary Agency!

*Speaking of this week's round of "An Agent's Inbox," we still have several open slots to fill. Ms. Nelson is willing to consider MG and YA fiction of all stripes as well as romance and women's fiction, so if you have a finished manuscript in one of those categories and/or genres, definitely check out the submission guidelines.

Now Accepting Entries!

I'm now accepting entries for this week's round of "An Agent's Inbox." Here's a quick refresher:

The Rules

1. To enter, your manuscript must meet two conditions: First, it must be COMPLETE, POLISHED, AND READY TO QUERY, and second, it must be in one of the genres The Agent represents (which are listed at the bottom of this post).

2. IF YOU PARTICIPATED IN MARCH'S ROUND OF “AN AGENT’S INBOX,” please DO NOT participate in this one UNLESS YOUR HAVE A NEW MANUSCRIPT that meets the criteria listed above. If the entry slots don’t fill up by Tuesday, August 2, I may allow previous participants to enter.

3. All entries must include A QUERY and THE FIRST 250 WORDS of your manuscript. You must paste these items IN THE BODY OF YOUR E-MAIL; otherwise, I'll disqualify it.

4. THE ENTRY WINDOW OPENS AT 12:00 NOON EDT (OR 9:00 A.M. PDT). Once the entry window opens, I'll accept the first 25 entries. I won't accept any entries sent before the entry window opens or after the first 25 slots fill up.

5. If your entry makes it in, I'll send you a confirmation e-mail with a post number. If your entry doesn't make it in, I'll still send you an e-mail, but it won't have a post number.

6. If your entry makes it in, YOU MUST COMMENT ON AT LEAST 3 OTHER ENTRIES.

The Prizes The Agent, Patricia Nelson* of Marsal Lyon Literary Agency, will select both the winners and the prizes. The Agent might pick 25 winners, or she might only pick one. The Agent might offer full requests, or she might only ask to see another page. It all depends on how good the entries are.

Please keep in mind that THIS CONTEST ISN'T FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. I've encouraged The Agent to treat the entries exactly as she would a normal batch of queries. Essentially, The Agent will be answering the question, "How much of the entry did you read, and if you didn't read it all, why did you stop?" I think this process will be instructive for all of us, but if you enter, you need to be prepared to hear exactly what The Agent thinks of your query and first page.

The Genres

MG fiction (all genres)
YA fiction (all genres)
Adult Romance
Women's Fiction

To enter, please send an e-mail with YOUR QUERY and THE FIRST 250 WORDS of your manuscript to kvandolzer(at)gmail(dot)com. And please, please, please remember to PASTE THESE ITEMS IN THE BODY OF THE E-MAIL.

*I know this probably goes without saying, but if you’re thinking about entering, you should probably treat this round a little differently than you would if you didn’t already know The Agent’s identity. Feel free to do a little research and include personalization in your queries. Also, if you've already queried Ms. Nelson, PLEASE DON'T ENTER UNLESS YOU HAVE A NEW MANUSCRIPT THAT MEETS THE CRITERIA LISTED ABOVE. Since I don't have access to Ms. Nelson's inbox, I can't really police this, but you--and she--are going to get a lot more out of this contest if you enter something The Agent hasn’t seen before.

"An Agent's Inbox" Contest Alert

THIS IS NOT A CALL FOR ENTRIES! I'M JUST GIVING YOU A HEADS-UP. THE CONTEST OPENS NEXT MONDAY, AUGUST 1.

“An Agent's Inbox” is exactly what it sounds like--next week, I'm turning the blog into an agent's inbox, a public one. We'll get to see 25 queries along with their first pages, and we'll get to hear what a bona fide agent thinks of each one.

The queries and first pages will be yours, of course. I'll accept your entries this Monday, August 1, and then I'll post them next Wednesday, August 3. The entrants and anyone else who wishes to review them may comment until the following Monday or Tuesday, August 8 or 9, when I'll announce the winners.

Those winners will be chosen by The Agent, and this month, The Agent is Patricia Nelson* of Marsal Lyon Literary Agency!

The Rules

1. To enter, your manuscript must meet two conditions: First, it must be COMPLETE, POLISHED, AND READY TO QUERY, and second, it must be in one of the genres The Agent represents (which are listed at the bottom of this post).

2. IF YOU PARTICIPATED IN MARCH'S ROUND OF “AN AGENT’S INBOX,” please DO NOT participate in this one UNLESS YOUR HAVE A NEW MANUSCRIPT that meets the criteria listed above. If the entry slots don’t fill up by Tuesday, August 2, I may allow previous participants to enter.

3. All entries must include A QUERY and THE FIRST 250 WORDS of your manuscript. You must paste these items IN THE BODY OF YOUR E-MAIL; otherwise, I'll disqualify it.

4. THE ENTRY WINDOW OPENS AT 12:00 NOON EDT (OR 9:00 A.M. PDT). Once the entry window opens, I'll accept the first 25 entries. I won't accept any entries sent before the entry window opens or after the first 25 slots fill up.

5. If your entry makes it in, I'll send you a confirmation e-mail with a post number. If your entry doesn't make it in, I'll still send you an e-mail, but it won't have a post number.

6. If your entry makes it in, YOU MUST COMMENT ON AT LEAST 3 OTHER ENTRIES.

The Prizes The Agent will select both the winners and the prizes. The Agent might pick 25 winners, or she might only pick one. The Agent might offer full requests, or she might only ask to see another page. It all depends on how good the entries are.

Please keep in mind that THIS CONTEST ISN'T FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. I've encouraged The Agent to treat the entries exactly as she would a normal batch of queries. Essentially, The Agent will be answering the question, "How much of the entry did you read, and if you didn't read it all, why did you stop?" I think this process will be instructive for all of us, but if you enter, you need to be prepared to hear exactly what The Agent thinks of your query and first page.

So get those queries and first pages polished up, then meet us back here on Monday, August 1, at 12:00 noon EDT! At that time, you may send your entries to kvandolzer(at)gmail(dot)com. Looking forward to it!

The Genres

MG fiction (all genres)
YA fiction (all genres)
Adult Romance
Women's Fiction

And of course, if you have any questions, feel free to leave them in the comments below!

*I know this probably goes without saying, but if you’re thinking about entering, you should probably treat this round a little differently than you would if you didn’t already know The Agent’s identity. Feel free to do a little research and include personalization in your queries. Also, if you've already queried Ms. Nelson, PLEASE DON'T ENTER UNLESS YOU HAVE A NEW MANUSCRIPT THAT MEETS THE CRITERIA LISTED ABOVE. Since I don't have access to Ms. Nelson's inbox, I can't really police this, but you--and she--are going to get a lot more out of this contest if you enter something The Agent hasn’t seen before.