tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post9191887744325451816..comments2024-02-27T03:36:20.256-07:00Comments on Krista Van Dolzer: An Agent's Inbox #2Krista Van Dolzerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-81632445507589731692011-12-27T14:18:37.799-07:002011-12-27T14:18:37.799-07:00SGF-- My pleasure. Thanks for submitting your work...SGF-- My pleasure. Thanks for submitting your work... I look forward to reading more of it soon!Brooks Shermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01130002322085737093noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-80792860045846223202011-12-27T07:58:45.099-07:002011-12-27T07:58:45.099-07:00Just wanted to say "thanks" to everyone ...Just wanted to say "thanks" to everyone for the comments, suggestions, and encouragement. I really appreciate it.<br />And thanks, especially, to Mr. Sherman. I love the "Mary Shelley/John Hughes mashup" comment. I think it captures BODY AND SOUL beautifully. <br />Thanks!<br />-SGFAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-57724926736066628032011-12-24T09:54:34.055-07:002011-12-24T09:54:34.055-07:00Your premise is intriguing from the get-go. I hesi...Your premise is intriguing from the get-go. I hesitate to say this, but I would actually prefer MORE details in your query to make it stand out. What kind of science is Daniel exactly a genius <i>in</i>? Can we have a hint on how he brings Jane back? Other than that, your buildup of how this situation spins out of control, and how part of Daniel's conflict is his own inability to accept the unknown, are all great suggested plot twists. They bring up just enough questions to make me want to read on.<br /><br />Overall, your query and opening paragraphs make me feel like I'm reading a self-aware Mary Shelley/John Hughes mashup. A 45K word count runs the risk of being too thin for a YA sci-fi novel, but even so I would be curious enough to read more and see how your story unfolds.The Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-57810452928279123052011-12-23T09:39:36.199-07:002011-12-23T09:39:36.199-07:00I think this is a great premise and I definitely w...I think this is a great premise and I definitely want to read it! In my query, I've struggled with the light sci fi vs. contemporary vs. speculative fiction genre-label, too. For you (based just on what I read here), I think "sci fi" is accurate since the operation seems to be the main focus of the story. Good luck!!<br /><br />(and 45k is short, but I don't think too short as long as loose ends get tied up!)<br />ericaerica and christyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13074820593371226159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-73342984344884021642011-12-21T18:11:53.494-07:002011-12-21T18:11:53.494-07:00Wonderful query and first 250. Not even the type ...Wonderful query and first 250. Not even the type of premise that usually excites me but this I would read!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17089263022220773503noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-65073147348834090592011-12-21T14:10:45.821-07:002011-12-21T14:10:45.821-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05746017057593508370noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-57694806287837363712011-12-21T12:28:38.072-07:002011-12-21T12:28:38.072-07:00hi!
This is intriguing and I like the idea. The w...hi! <br />This is intriguing and I like the idea. The word count threw me too. <br />Also, different tenses seemed confusing at first in the sample. Not necessariy bad, but I did reread it a couple times. This could just be me. <br />I like the voice and would love to read it (longer : ) ).<br />Great job!Bonnie R. Paulsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02099325696949990504noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-69878531159830462702011-12-21T10:55:31.855-07:002011-12-21T10:55:31.855-07:00I really love this premise!
One thing I would ch...I really love this premise! <br /><br />One thing I would change in the query:<br /><br />Daniel must find a way to save Jane from the suffering he caused. (Just making the sentence more concise.)<br /><br />The only thing that jumped out at me in the 250 words was the second yet 'I don't even realize I'm awake yet.' I don't think you need it. The first one implies it.<br /><br />I do really love the premise. I would definitely read this.Kelley Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06373650788799372118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-48835952899095623042011-12-21T10:13:29.710-07:002011-12-21T10:13:29.710-07:00Hi SGF,
I love your premise, it sounds really swe...Hi SGF,<br /><br />I love your premise, it sounds really sweet, and the query did grab my interest. 45,000 words is rather short for a novel, even YA, so that stood out to me. Also, I don't know if you need to call it "light" sci-fi. It's pretty clearly sci-fi, not hard sci-fi like mililiary sci-fi, but that's clear from the query.<br /><br />Good luck with this! It sounds like the kind of thing I might enjoy reading.<br /><br />-Sharon BaylissSharon Baylisshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17361550815860670756noreply@blogger.com