tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post8690083475370186382..comments2024-02-27T03:36:20.256-07:00Comments on Krista Van Dolzer: An Agent's Inbox #20Krista Van Dolzerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-48187920806579993242013-08-22T15:44:57.620-06:002013-08-22T15:44:57.620-06:00I enjoyed this query! I liked all of the elements ...I enjoyed this query! I liked all of the elements you mentioned, with the twin connection, and the missing mother and sister, and finally the alien element. Though, although I was excited by these elements individually I did worry that this sounded like there was going to be too much going on, and went into the sample pages a bit skeptical. It's one of those things were it's awesome if you have the skills to pull it off, but it's hard to do--which is why I look to the sample pages for your technical ability.<br /><br />Happily, I really enjoyed the sample pages, and found them very focused and polished. I thought the voice was great and age-appropriate and I really got a strong sense of her personality in this brief sample. Sounds promising! Agent Sara Sciutonoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-80123226639270844162013-08-22T14:40:29.337-06:002013-08-22T14:40:29.337-06:00Can't wait to read the rest when it's publ...Can't wait to read the rest when it's published! <br /><br />The query seems concise and reveals details in a way that leaves me intrigued. Your voice is apparent in both the query and first 250 which always gives me a hard time so kudos for that.<br /><br />I thought you handled your backstory nicely without stopping the forward momentum. Candicenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-17273817087804435132013-08-21T14:02:55.423-06:002013-08-21T14:02:55.423-06:00I love the changes you've made to your query. ...I love the changes you've made to your query. It reads so smoothly now. nice job.<br /><br />I also love the first 250 which I haven't seen before. So many good lines in there. my favorite was"Slide time. Or nap time, depending on who you asked." That's such a school thing to think. I also enjoyed the HP reference.<br /><br />I wish you luck with this :)Jamie Krakoverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16808802721340647047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-70345411204672374712013-08-21T12:49:11.722-06:002013-08-21T12:49:11.722-06:00Well done. The query reads clearly and presents th...Well done. The query reads clearly and presents the characters and stakes. The opening 250 are a little 'telly' for me but still have a good voice and give a glimpse of character that's really appealing. I'd definitely keep reading.Trellisnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-33920475667296501882013-08-21T11:55:28.108-06:002013-08-21T11:55:28.108-06:00I actually really like this. Your query sets up th...I actually really like this. Your query sets up the story perfectly and I even like Harry's name. Your last line is great in what is already a strong 250. My favorite part though is how the teacher didn't react like other adults did to her mentioning her mom. Great job & good luck!Jamie Corriganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11837319723353425561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-4962996009673011392013-08-21T11:26:31.693-06:002013-08-21T11:26:31.693-06:00This is great. The query sets up everything very w...This is great. The query sets up everything very well, and makes me want to read more! Love your first 250 as well - the story about how she got her nickname is fantastic! And so's Luna's voice.<br /><br />One suggestion: in the query's third paragraph, second sentence, I think you should take out "Because" to make the sentence clearer. You could also replace it with "planet" (I think Dexelon's a planet?).<br /><br />That's all I've got. Good luck! <br /><br /> Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12738105796551420639noreply@blogger.com