tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post8601758291146471678..comments2024-02-27T03:36:20.256-07:00Comments on Krista Van Dolzer: An Agent's Inbox #13Krista Van Dolzerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-85080380553558815242017-03-27T09:21:25.117-06:002017-03-27T09:21:25.117-06:00Thank you all so much for your comments and feedba...Thank you all so much for your comments and feedback! They are the helpful boost I needed to strengthen my query and opening words.Lisa Leonihttp://lisaleoni.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-27345700413292649392017-03-24T08:35:42.576-06:002017-03-24T08:35:42.576-06:00As a fellow Scotland-lover and writer, I loved thi...As a fellow Scotland-lover and writer, I loved this. I don't usually read humorous romances but I did love this. I loved your voice in the text sample. I agree on the sexpot part. And I think the query could hold a bit more information about what's at stake.. Fun read!Jean M. Granthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12495227043618994354noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-86814951890219394502017-03-24T08:16:37.536-06:002017-03-24T08:16:37.536-06:00Oooh Scotland! I love Highland Romances. I'm i...Oooh Scotland! I love Highland Romances. I'm intrigued! And I love the idea of a destination wedding - lots of opportunities for hijinks and fun! You don't need to capitalize the main character's name. But the whisky flavored condoms bit is funny - I want to see how this plays out...I think that your second paragraph could use a bit of smoothing, but in general it reads well and I continue to be intrigued.<br /><br />I feel like the next paragraph ends too abruptly - what happens next? We need more a teaser - one last sentence or so to tell us what happens next and to keep us guessing! It can't just end like that....so what will be? Something like "Marie and Oliver will need to figure out if this is more than just a passing fling..." - or something like that? Give me a hook that makes me want to jump to read the text...<br /><br />I like your sentence about research - it shows me a bit of your quirky humor and now I'm going to hope to see more of that in the text.<br /><br />The text:<br /><br />Well, you can't go wrong starting with Whisky flavored condoms! Cute first paragraph, I'm hooked.<br /><br />Second paragraph - I wondered if you could really head-butt someone's body that hard...<br /><br />I'm a little turned off by the use of the word "sexpot" - maybe just say hottie? hunk?<br /><br />But I'm loving the quirky voice here and I would definitely keep reading!The Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-76103740733272636972017-03-23T15:51:51.476-06:002017-03-23T15:51:51.476-06:00I like the title. I can picture a very sexy cover....I like the title. I can picture a very sexy cover. :) the query is so witty and fun. I love it.<br /><br />You don't need to capitalize character names in a query. That tends to be more outlining/scriptwriting.<br /><br />From the sample pages: what bathroom? Presumably her hotel, but it's not clear. For me, I'd prefer to get a better sense of the main character--who she is as a person--before we meet the hunk. I'd read on. The query made me think she'd be more embarrassed about buying condoms than she seems to be.Unrepentant Escapisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14084297041989860942noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-17066326146121331932017-03-22T13:39:46.341-06:002017-03-22T13:39:46.341-06:00This book looks fun! The title is too cute.
I lo...This book looks fun! The title is too cute. <br /><br />I love that your query has voice in it, and I could already hear the style of the narration before I moved down to the page. However, I feel like your plot description ends quite abruptly, and I almost didn't get that we'd switched to talking about you in the next paragraph. <br /><br />The page did not disappoint, although I was surprised it started when she was already in Glasgow, rather than before. Still, very funny introduction to both of them. Thanks for sharing! :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-39707946005417257502017-03-22T12:38:19.434-06:002017-03-22T12:38:19.434-06:00*whispers in shame* I realize I missed the U on &q...*whispers in shame* I realize I missed the U on "poring" in the query. Gadzukes! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com