tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post7838631524092310386..comments2024-02-27T03:36:20.256-07:00Comments on Krista Van Dolzer: An Agent's Inbox #42Krista Van Dolzerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-32264644096361836452011-09-29T14:49:15.078-06:002011-09-29T14:49:15.078-06:00This is an interesting premise but feels somehow s...This is an interesting premise but feels somehow similar to other ones I've read; I'd probably want to do some research to be sure there is not too much overlap and that the content is fresh and unique. <br /><br />The opening paragraphs give a good sense of character and place, although for my personal taste, coupled with the more snarky voice in the query, it tells me it's not right for my list. Others may well feel differently, though.The Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-52259008809879853492011-09-29T13:37:41.310-06:002011-09-29T13:37:41.310-06:00Intriguing premise, and I think it has a lot of po...Intriguing premise, and I think it has a lot of potential. I'm not a fan of text messages in the first page (well, okay, I don't like reading many texts in a novel, period), but I think I'm probably in the minority there.<br /><br />There are a few places in the middle paragraph of the query where the grammar pings me as wrong ("Her growing feels for Chaz has her", "no amount of psychic dreams"), but those are little things.<br /><br />Good luck!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16047192012474777648noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-18251792322886797872011-09-28T20:24:26.879-06:002011-09-28T20:24:26.879-06:00I liked it! Yeah, it got a bit long in that secon...I liked it! Yeah, it got a bit long in that second paragraph, but I still liked it! <br /><br />Don't like the title though. Sorry! <br />The writing snippet, I loved. So it balances out! : )<br />Good luck!Write Lifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11243460609179141414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-26922654373314620962011-09-28T14:11:12.525-06:002011-09-28T14:11:12.525-06:00There's too much back story packed into the qu...There's too much back story packed into the query. I wouldn't have read the story based on your query, but I really liked Sayra's voice in your opening and I definitely would have continued reading there!Lori M. Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04858438789496971734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-82586434336501074532011-09-28T14:07:42.107-06:002011-09-28T14:07:42.107-06:00Agree with Roxanne about the second paragraph loo...Agree with Roxanne about the second paragraph loosing me too! Just needs simplifying a bit. <br /><br />Intriguing though. I like the "He’s cute, but to Sayra, cute isn’t enough to overlook those weird gloves and his oddball behavior."<br /><br />I love your voice in your first few lines. Just doesn't give the sense of "supernatural". Would be better to start with her premonition. I think I'll have to do the same to - put something more supernatural first. Mine is number 20 if you want to check it out. : )<br /><br />Good luck. I hear that voice is EVERYTHING and you definately have it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-71922355844614123692011-09-28T13:24:15.063-06:002011-09-28T13:24:15.063-06:00Hey, I majored in English at University of Marylan...Hey, I majored in English at University of Maryland! :) <br /><br />I liked the premise of your query. The gloved hands were really interesting to me, and I want to know more about them. I also liked that she likes seeing the future because she wants to see embarrassing things about her classmates. (Although I'd totally try to win the lotto!)<br /><br />But I did feel like the second paragraph was a little long. It started to lose me toward the end. <br /><br />One thing I wonder about in general is if it's really a good idea to make comparisons to other books. Do you assume the agent has read these books? How do you know, unless the agent represents those authors?Roxannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07658908428084914909noreply@blogger.com