tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post773532109217392099..comments2024-02-27T03:36:20.256-07:00Comments on Krista Van Dolzer: An Agent's Inbox #9Krista Van Dolzerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-51686255867791736732011-07-28T21:24:58.209-06:002011-07-28T21:24:58.209-06:00LOVE your voice. I too was thrown by 'slutty.&...LOVE your voice. I too was thrown by 'slutty.' But that's all I got. Good luck:)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-72839228380428605872011-07-28T11:44:11.936-06:002011-07-28T11:44:11.936-06:00M.S. - Admittedly, I'm not the biggest fan of ...M.S. - Admittedly, I'm not the biggest fan of medieval settings. However, I think you have a clever premise here. But, what made me stop reading is Jessica herself, who didn't strike me as a strong female role model. Without you saying she "refuses to be a damsel," there's nothing here to show me she's not. She daydreams about pretty dresses, wants to be treated like a princess, and laments that her horrible date wasn't her "knight in shining armor." Also, I have a problem with the word "slutty," so that was an immediate turn off for me and made me dislike Jessica. I know that wasn't your intention, but word choices go a long way. In this case, I'd pass based on the character, but I think the story itself is cute.The Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-29851395240520232902011-07-27T12:55:06.352-06:002011-07-27T12:55:06.352-06:00This is seriously so cute and funny, I really want...This is seriously so cute and funny, I really want to read it.Ruhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04217026218961932530noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-42550048554964194772011-07-27T12:12:13.643-06:002011-07-27T12:12:13.643-06:00Love the query, totally hooked. Very happy to see ...Love the query, totally hooked. Very happy to see the voice in the pages and the query match up. It shows you have a nice control over your story. the only thing I'd suggest for the first page is grounding the reader in the scene in the first paragraph. We don't find out until half way down the page that she's sitting in algebra class and I found that a bit jarring.<br /><br />Awesome start - good luck!MarcyKatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08303670174583471227noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-6012060769204216052011-07-27T12:00:22.386-06:002011-07-27T12:00:22.386-06:00Stand in line - you have my vote, too. Great premi...Stand in line - you have my vote, too. Great premise, voice, and cute as ever. The only suggestion: you use the word woozy 2x - close together - change one. Otherwise, perfect :) Good luck!Robbinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13340267650156858452noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-35057007387469234462011-07-27T11:37:43.357-06:002011-07-27T11:37:43.357-06:00Love love love this. Dang it (LOL) cuz mine's ...Love love love this. Dang it (LOL) cuz mine's a contemp YA entry too!<br />Seriously, it's such a cute premise and voice, and I could totally see a series off it. Best of luck!Lynn Lindquisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00200203759249417027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-50770863766045435292011-07-27T11:35:17.862-06:002011-07-27T11:35:17.862-06:00UH ... I think I must have this book. My email is ...UH ... I think I must have this book. My email is amplante@gmail.com -- please PLEASE email me when I can preorder it. <br /><br />If I were giving the award, you'd win. Even over mine. Well... maybe we'd tie :-)amberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11158553862638051863noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-25563277644362369592011-07-27T11:08:22.825-06:002011-07-27T11:08:22.825-06:00Oh, SO cute!
Query: I think this needs to be tig...Oh, SO cute! <br /><br />Query: I think this needs to be tighter. And a suggestion: I would swoon if "Happily ever after was so much easier in her daydreams." was your OPENING line. That would rule, and hook me right away.<br /><br />First page: Really nice writing, great voice, great sense of character and her relationship with BF. Well done.<br /><br />Hope this helps! Best of luck! :)Leigh Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15827971896088856057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-61056060661602136652011-07-27T10:24:46.778-06:002011-07-27T10:24:46.778-06:00GREAT title! Great voice. Sounds like lots of fun....GREAT title! Great voice. Sounds like lots of fun. I'm not much into time travel, yet I'm still interested.kfilliusnoreply@blogger.com