tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post7553982424994776879..comments2024-02-27T03:36:20.256-07:00Comments on Krista Van Dolzer: An Agent's Inbox #19Krista Van Dolzerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-58914668167254219642014-02-23T17:32:07.351-07:002014-02-23T17:32:07.351-07:00Hi A.T.S,
This was cute! Dee's voice comes th...Hi A.T.S,<br /><br />This was cute! Dee's voice comes through loud and clear in the sample, which is always the hardest thing about writing in the 1st person.<br /><br />Your query is strong, but while the hook is there I'm not entirely sure what the overarching plot is supposed to be. Does she meet new people? Does someone find her lists? I need to know a bit more.<br /><br />Hope this helps, and best of luck!<br /><br />All the best,<br />EmilyEmily Grefnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-10689502906565708962014-02-21T13:25:18.132-07:002014-02-21T13:25:18.132-07:00I thought your query was very effective and to the...I thought your query was very effective and to the point. I did have to go back and check her age once I started the first 250, and I have to agree that she does sound older, more of a middle school voice instead of fourth grade. Otherwise, this sounds like a really entertaining story. Good luck!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13999384665403004818noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-42151837212398298732014-02-19T16:17:28.819-07:002014-02-19T16:17:28.819-07:00I agree with everyone else. Dee does sound like an...I agree with everyone else. Dee does sound like an older child. I enjoyed reading your first 250 words. I was engaged and didn't want your word count to end. Thanks for sharing! :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11270772437218990027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-39909383154056409842014-02-19T15:45:14.799-07:002014-02-19T15:45:14.799-07:00This sounds really cute. I like the lists and want...This sounds really cute. I like the lists and want to see more of them. I'm not sure how they'll help her - just in a comforting way, or something tangible that makes the other kids see her differently?GSMarlenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17558162486383585621noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-73257863551803433052014-02-19T13:45:46.311-07:002014-02-19T13:45:46.311-07:00I agree with many of the comments already here - a...I agree with many of the comments already here - adorable concept, but the voice does sound older. I'm not sure kids in 4th grade are at a point where they are that embarrassed about their parents. Quite the opposite, really. For special school events, it seems like the younger the child, the more excited they are for their parents to show up and embarrassed if they don't. Just my humble opinion, of course. It might be more plausible to have Dee excited for her mom to be there, but that excitement wanes as her mom starts (in Dee's opinion, anyhow) making a fool of herself.<br /><br />I love the clever title ~ working in her name, her hobby, and her social standing in school all into one. Great! :) Best of luck to you!Donea Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15393184831994368021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-58254741312948961942014-02-19T11:35:20.515-07:002014-02-19T11:35:20.515-07:00Such fun! I really like the idea behind this book...Such fun! I really like the idea behind this book. I think she may seem a little older than 4th grade, and I wonder if that age may be a little young for the middle grade readers to relate to anyway, that being said-I want to read it!MeriAnnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08162103658966604710noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-64317734540718378312014-02-19T10:59:28.356-07:002014-02-19T10:59:28.356-07:00I agree with Tiffany. I think you need to make the...I agree with Tiffany. I think you need to make the stakes clearer in your query and tell us why the list is going to help. I think the reason her voice sounded a little bit older is that a fourth grader might not be so self-conscious about her mom yet. (But that's just me.)<br />My other concern was your word count. 20,000 seems too short for MG, unless this is a chapter book. But you do have an interesting character, here, which makes me want to see where you're going with this!Jennihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13139361928785566916noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-76575579742104730592014-02-19T09:48:03.962-07:002014-02-19T09:48:03.962-07:00I love this! My only concern is that I'm not r...I love this! My only concern is that I'm not really sure what the plot of the book is from the query - turning to her secret lists doesn't tell me anything about what's going to happen. Also, the voice of your first 250 words might be just a tad too old if she's supposed to be in fourth grade. I could believe sixth, but not quite fourth.<br /><br />That being said, I really like it :)Hermana Tiffany Garnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08512773328198541058noreply@blogger.com