tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post7500807809891876441..comments2024-02-27T03:36:20.256-07:00Comments on Krista Van Dolzer: An Agent's Inbox #1Krista Van Dolzerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-11332587506323684132011-06-30T16:56:17.793-06:002011-06-30T16:56:17.793-06:00I really loved the query, I think it has to be one...I really loved the query, I think it has to be one of the most engaging queries I've seen. Great voice in the sample pages, I'd definitely keep on reading!Sarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14863417381215696609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-61179281069407296502011-06-30T08:58:40.733-06:002011-06-30T08:58:40.733-06:00I really liked the query, I thought it was an inte...I really liked the query, I thought it was an interesting way to pull someone into the story with out giving too much away. <br /><br />As for the sample page I think the voice is great and you have a lot of wonderful description. <br /><br />I can't find anything to critique you on, so good luck and great job!Jessicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15266768293318241499noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-3828512316061689542011-06-30T06:30:30.231-06:002011-06-30T06:30:30.231-06:00I really liked your query. Good job! And I thought...I really liked your query. Good job! And I thought the sample page had a unique voice. If I were an agent, I'd want to read more. :)<br /><br />Best of luck!<br /><br />AmyA.L. Sonnichsenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11358456786727534289noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-66949190223714307882011-06-29T15:33:03.656-06:002011-06-29T15:33:03.656-06:00I remember this query from Agent Query Connect. C...I remember this query from Agent Query Connect. Congratulations! It looks like you've found your final draft.Sharon Baylisshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17361550815860670756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-11495025379662066222011-06-29T11:18:10.022-06:002011-06-29T11:18:10.022-06:00The only thing I would change about your query is ...The only thing I would change about your query is the last part, "She'll shatter...a new world." It's not needed. You've already established her main goal, and you've used the word revolution already so I know she's going to be part of something big.<br /><br />This is a great example of a query that works. It has rhythm, it has the two main characters, and the main conflict. Also, one of the biggest mistakes I see in queries for Dystopians (or any genre that has a different world) is that I don't see enough about the world in the query, but it's one of the most important parts. I can clearly picture your world and you did it quickly. I got chills at "because their only purpose is to die."<br /><br />Sample Page: Here's what worries me and might make an agent stop reading: "Glass City" reminds me of Cassandra Clare's series; sneaking into a part of the city that is off limits reminds me of the opening to The Uglies; and all of the swearing makes me worry that your world doesn't have it's own unique language. I'd probably keep reading a few pages to see if these problems persist.The Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-48847498224434443302011-06-29T10:04:27.317-06:002011-06-29T10:04:27.317-06:00Oh interesting premise! Your query feels rather lo...Oh interesting premise! Your query feels rather long, though, with a lot of world building. Maybe focus on a brief introduction of Sprawl, introduce Maya's problem (wanting to escape and WHY she now suddenly wants to) and who/what is going to stand in her way. <br /><br />I like the voice in your opening pages, but don't understand the asterisking of swears? It's probably something that makes sense later but in the first page it's kind of off-putting.Chelseyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08279604060499054571noreply@blogger.com