tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post7310085241149800418..comments2024-02-27T03:36:20.256-07:00Comments on Krista Van Dolzer: An Agent's Inbox #16Krista Van Dolzerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-33614355837525077052012-09-20T14:59:11.690-06:002012-09-20T14:59:11.690-06:00Thanks for your advice! To clarify (it's easie...Thanks for your advice! To clarify (it's easier to understand as the scene progresses), this character here is not Far. It's one of Far's past lives. Weirdness, but it's really important in the plot. And that line of my query has gotten a lot of mixed reviews, so I'll probably cut it. Thanks!Amanda Foodyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13041820771365552110noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-63622968983176411462012-09-20T14:45:26.772-06:002012-09-20T14:45:26.772-06:00This is an interesting concept, but I think there&...This is an interesting concept, but I think there's almost too much here. For example, "None of Far’s past lives match the horrors of the legends, but even she doesn’t know the origins of her memories, demonic or otherwise" confused me. Does she not know she's a relic? Does she not understand these visions? And what do demons have to do with Far if the whole idea is that Relics *used to* trade with demons? I think you could cut that part out and I'd be just as well off.<br /><br />With the sample, the writing is good.I assume that it's a future RELIC's memory of Far's death, but why start there? More curiosity than criticism. Thanks!Victoria Marininoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-29670304772723618362012-09-20T11:45:17.584-06:002012-09-20T11:45:17.584-06:00I LOVED your first 250. Your query doesn't do ...I LOVED your first 250. Your query doesn't do it justice. It's good, it gives us all the info we need to know what the story is about, but I wonder about the necessity of telling us all the details about the Relics? Nothing in the rest of the query makes me think this is need-to-know-NOW kind of stuff, so I'd take it out and instead tell us why she's the only one who can take her sister's place on the Council.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-10337854393007501182012-09-19T10:41:16.921-06:002012-09-19T10:41:16.921-06:00Thanks, everyone! And the opening is a memory (Far...Thanks, everyone! And the opening is a memory (Far has visions from her past lives). Far is most definitely the main character.<br />Amanda Foodyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13041820771365552110noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-17086789869360011232012-09-19T10:20:55.986-06:002012-09-19T10:20:55.986-06:00The query is all about Far, but the first page is ...The query is all about Far, but the first page is clearly about a modern girl who is also a relic with Far's memories.<br /><br />I'm interested in reading on to see where this goes, but I'm also perplexed as to who the protagonist of this story is. Will it be Far's story told from the perspective of the modern girl?Lanettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09987748870291077638noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-11610629616333253882012-09-19T09:27:05.256-06:002012-09-19T09:27:05.256-06:00I would change the first line of your query to: Pr...I would change the first line of your query to: Princess Far knows how it feels to die. You don't need the always. I like your query and your first 250. I'm curious how she got to be someone else. I would read on.Janice Sperryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00178805752960449557noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-8846086547965944832012-09-19T09:22:11.079-06:002012-09-19T09:22:11.079-06:00Hi,
I've seen this before and I liked it then,...Hi,<br />I've seen this before and I liked it then, too. Your query is clear and I like the last sentence very much. The first 250 drew me in. I'm curious to know what happens. Sujahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16899054126546663789noreply@blogger.com