tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post6643211568122696408..comments2024-02-27T03:36:20.256-07:00Comments on Krista Van Dolzer: An Agent's Inbox #10Krista Van Dolzerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-74632386524872989512016-09-16T08:13:17.210-06:002016-09-16T08:13:17.210-06:00Thank you so much for your query, T.B.! It's v...Thank you so much for your query, T.B.! It's very strong--I have a real sense of what your book is like, and your concept is unique. I do think you could tighten the query. I love how personalized the first paragraph is, but I would shorten that sentence about why you're querying me and move it to the end of the paragraph so as not to get in the way of your lovely comps. I think the second and third paragraphs are excellent, but the fourth paragraph could be shorter and a little less specific. And one teeny thing--the last line says the first 50 pages are attached; make sure to delete/adjust that depending on the agency requirements. I don't think that I'm the perfect agent for this book, only because I rarely consider anything outside of the strictly realistic realm. But you're clearly a lovely writer, and I do think there's an agent out there for you!Jennifer Johnson-Blalockhttp://www.jjohnsonblalock.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-58128058136190958042016-09-15T14:17:04.350-06:002016-09-15T14:17:04.350-06:00I love the first line. The whole first page really...I love the first line. The whole first page really grabbed me and made me want more. <br /><br />I do think the query can be a bit simplified. I wouldn't call out that her mental health issues are similar to yours in the first paragraph, I would save that for the paragraph where you talk about it taking place in Australia where you live. <br /><br />I also wouldn't introduce the idea of 'Middle Willa' at the point where you do in the query, I would maybe save it for after you introduce Little Girl and Silver Willa. <br /><br />good luck—the story sounds really interesting, I would love to read more! AlisonHammerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01879064502131419754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-65157651780764574722016-09-14T21:03:17.400-06:002016-09-14T21:03:17.400-06:00What an arresting opening! I love the idea of an o...What an arresting opening! I love the idea of an ocean in a box and the language is beautiful and dripping with voice. <br /><br />Your query is well-written as well, but it feels a little long to me. Your last paragraph seems to overlap with your first and I think you could merge these two paragraphs. I feel like you could cut a fair bit from your second paragraph as well and begin with the return of Willa's magical garden.<br /><br />I can't wait to meat the three Willa's and learn their story! Good luck!H.S.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-18836899288757800012016-09-14T11:24:01.768-06:002016-09-14T11:24:01.768-06:00How absolutely delicious! The verbs are what grabb...How absolutely delicious! The verbs are what grabbed me, beginning with "dusted" in your query. Also, the fact that you've made yourself open and vulnerable makes me NEED to read it.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08992287859070411008noreply@blogger.com