tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post6522462494794990892..comments2024-02-27T03:36:20.256-07:00Comments on Krista Van Dolzer: An Agent's Inbox #13Krista Van Dolzerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-75235139546277455882011-09-30T15:44:03.024-06:002011-09-30T15:44:03.024-06:00I agree with Krista. There is a hint of what makes...I agree with Krista. There is a hint of what makes this different from other vampire books, but make it more apparent.<br /><br />And like what others said, the first sentence made me laugh. Great voice.Lori M. Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04858438789496971734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-70285099849398612532011-09-29T13:51:06.478-06:002011-09-29T13:51:06.478-06:00I enjoyed both the query and the page. The clash o...I enjoyed both the query and the page. The clash of old and new kings and queens is interesting a bit different. <br /><br />In the paragraph about the mist the repetition of 'seem' and 'the way things were going' didn't work for me.RRnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-12449976797016593712011-09-29T09:00:52.801-06:002011-09-29T09:00:52.801-06:00Both the query and first page are well-written, an...Both the query and first page are well-written, and as Casey mentioned, the first line of the excerpt is perfect.<br /><br />However, the query feels a little spare. Since vampires are so done, I'm wondering what sets RIDING ON THE TAIL OF THE DEVIL apart. We get a taste of it in the query (I like the idea of ancient kings and queens and blood feuds, kind of blending vampire and faerie lore), but if you gave us a little more information, I think you could highlight those unique elements even better.Krista Van Dolzerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-68257601638491048642011-09-28T18:19:04.680-06:002011-09-28T18:19:04.680-06:00This may just be me, but unfortunately my eyes gla...This may just be me, but unfortunately my eyes glaze over as soon as I see the word 'vampire.' That aside, you've got an intriguing angle, so others might be interested in taking this further. <br /><br />The voice in the opening paragraphs is strong, but feels a bit gritty for my personal taste.The Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-5304103347915679202011-09-28T12:42:40.947-06:002011-09-28T12:42:40.947-06:00I really liked the query. At first, when I saw the...I really liked the query. At first, when I saw the word vampire, I rolled my eyes. But then I read the next paragraph and was hooked.<br /><br />The first line of your story is amazing! You had me laughing. I want to read more.Caseynoreply@blogger.com