tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post6287423708344746793..comments2024-02-27T03:36:20.256-07:00Comments on Krista Van Dolzer: An Agent's Inbox #5Krista Van Dolzerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-56361843812461073502016-09-16T12:42:46.859-06:002016-09-16T12:42:46.859-06:00I really liked your query letter--it did it's ...I really liked your query letter--it did it's job by making me want to read more. And the sample page made me want to go on reading. I felt connected to your lifeguard character right away.<br />Judy DaPolitohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01295862231342438640noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-17988569506440301782016-09-16T08:25:41.322-06:002016-09-16T08:25:41.322-06:00Thanks, everyone, for the lovely comments, and tha...Thanks, everyone, for the lovely comments, and thanks to Ms. Johnson-Blalock for the valuable feedback. So thrilled to hear this is something you'd request!Valerie Boddenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15310410146562745858noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-37369187661485327532016-09-16T05:29:42.258-06:002016-09-16T05:29:42.258-06:00I love the premise. This strikes me right away as ...I love the premise. This strikes me right away as a page-turner. I only have one problem: the query states that she walks away but the 250 suggests she's actually running toward him. It's a bit confusing. But overall, I think this is a winner for sure! And the fact it is written from a dual POV, makes it even more appealing to me! Good luck.Jennifer Haweshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06303079974406921717noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-41612407227363150862016-09-14T22:53:03.720-06:002016-09-14T22:53:03.720-06:00Hi VMB,
Your query letter is very intriguing, and...Hi VMB,<br /><br />Your query letter is very intriguing, and if I was an agent I'd definitely ask for more! I loved your line that they "have to figure out how to save each other before it's too late to save themselves."You've done a good job of explaining Calli and Noah's goals as well as their obstacles. <br /><br />I also loved your first 250 words and the way you weave in sensory details so that the reader feels like they are there with the characters. As I read I could feel the sun, smell the chlorine and hear the shrieks and splashes. The setting isn't overdone either and all of this unfolds in the midst of action. There is immediate conflict with the guy standing on the roof at risk of hurting himself. Jandi Crockernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-33515123037677301962016-09-14T19:31:02.834-06:002016-09-14T19:31:02.834-06:00I love it! I loved it when I read it on the CP ma...I love it! I loved it when I read it on the CP matchup on adventuresinyacontests.com! You've changed it, and I recognized it from the way you described the Indian girl's accent. Mine's the first entry, and if you'd like to be CP's, contact me.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16457802082841229242noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-61410054238663301382016-09-14T18:20:32.601-06:002016-09-14T18:20:32.601-06:00You did wonderful on both! This is something I wou...You did wonderful on both! This is something I would grab from Barnes and Noble in a heartbeat.Vanessahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09575807625909370672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-71876154560623137872016-09-14T18:05:05.762-06:002016-09-14T18:05:05.762-06:00Thank you for your entry, V.M.B., and congratulati...Thank you for your entry, V.M.B., and congratulations! You've written a really fantastic query. The personalized opening gives me immediate warm fuzzy feelings towards you. The stakes are established immediately, and I get a great sense of the characters. You have really strong, current comps, too. So good! My only advice would be to tell us a bit more about Noah and Calli's relationship with each other. The words "the first time" are so intriguing, but what keeps pulling them together, and what's the nature of their relationship? You hint at this with their love of water, but I think you could do a tiny bit more. This is definitely something I'd request if it showed up in my inbox, though. Jennifer Johnson-Blalockhttp://www.jjohnsonblalock.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-84251306865193594802016-09-14T14:36:11.305-06:002016-09-14T14:36:11.305-06:00You've done a really nice job on both!You've done a really nice job on both! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06503578141423770006noreply@blogger.com