tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post6181139623188349317..comments2024-02-27T03:36:20.256-07:00Comments on Krista Van Dolzer: An Agent's Inbox #15Krista Van Dolzerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-77181384035142558402014-09-26T16:14:25.708-06:002014-09-26T16:14:25.708-06:00Thank you, Ms. Jeglinski! I appreciate the feedbac...Thank you, Ms. Jeglinski! I appreciate the feedback.Jaimenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-24335661009656990292014-09-26T15:44:28.172-06:002014-09-26T15:44:28.172-06:00Query thoughts: I like the set up but am not reall...Query thoughts: I like the set up but am not really sure what to expect from the actual plot; details are just too broad. How does one break the curse? Also, bio is too personal; avoid mention of family and pets. If you don't have much to say about writing credentials, it's fine not to mention anything at all. <br /><br />Page: I didn't feel this was a teen voice; sounded much more adult, especially the use of the word "schmuck." It did move at a quick pace and I'd read on. <br /><br />Overall: there's something compelling here; would just need to know more about the project. The writing entices me but I'd suggest a more compelling query letter. Melissa Jeglinskinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-78136801148341490882014-09-25T13:19:31.387-06:002014-09-25T13:19:31.387-06:00Thank you, everyone, for your feedback! And thanks...Thank you, everyone, for your feedback! And thanks, C Hadge, for the comp title suggestions. I feel NIGHT CIRCUS doesn't quite work (though I'd love to be able to compare my book to that one!), because the magic system in NC is much more overt than mine and mine is set in the present day. I've never read GHOST BOY, though, so I'll check it out. :)Jaimenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-25485784004141602322014-09-25T12:38:53.686-06:002014-09-25T12:38:53.686-06:00I'll try to not repeat too much of what has al...I'll try to not repeat too much of what has already been said, but I really enjoyed the voice of your MC. This was more out of curiosity than anything else - what year is your MS set? (I know you put "contemporary" in the query.) Knowing that, the comp titles I'd suggest are THE NIGHT CIRCUS or even GHOST BOY (which is set in a traveling carnival and might have a similar tone to your MS). <br /><br />Good luck!CHadgehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12664222162980105026noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-25018367504447384572014-09-25T09:18:09.035-06:002014-09-25T09:18:09.035-06:00I loved it. I found the premise interesting and th...I loved it. I found the premise interesting and the first 250 great. I like the voice and swearing in the first sentence feels authentic. <br /><br />I've read some on querying, but have not studied it to the extent others have but your last sentance in the query feels authentic, like your character, so I think it works. <br /><br />Best of luck!Julie Chttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02482714377125344523noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-24132997444701173852014-09-24T19:25:07.965-06:002014-09-24T19:25:07.965-06:00I found your premise really interesting. I was a b...I found your premise really interesting. I was a bit turned off by the profanity in the first sentence. I know it is YA, but most people in my circles would avoid it for that reason. Other than that, I loved your character's voice.Annmariehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00822085617831033213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-24996552791016383612014-09-24T19:23:01.742-06:002014-09-24T19:23:01.742-06:00No worries about the anonymous part.
I entered t...No worries about the anonymous part. <br /><br />I entered the contest from my phone because of a power outage, and missed the typo in my title, which, I'd like to assure everyone, is not in my real query. :)Jaimenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-6958100008465894502014-09-24T19:14:41.740-06:002014-09-24T19:14:41.740-06:00Didn't mean to leave the above as anonymous! T...Didn't mean to leave the above as anonymous! That was me, Spike. My entry is #12, so feel free to rip me to shreds...<br />:)Spike Taterman (M.P.)noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-49722137291364838312014-09-24T19:12:41.873-06:002014-09-24T19:12:41.873-06:00JQ,
You've got some work to do here on the que...JQ,<br />You've got some work to do here on the query. The sample is much better, but if the agent won't read through the query, you're sunk.<br />Te begin with, you have a typo in the book's title! That's an instant reject.<br />SECOND PARAGRAPH: this is really confusing…how is she deprived? Is she frozen and can’t speak? You could condense this: “A wayward kiss from the boy in the fortune-telling booth leaves seventeen-year-old Emma with more than tingles down her spine. This mysterious boy’s kiss comes with a curse, one that petrifies Emma’s skin and leaves her cold as stone.” (I can’t write more, because I don’t know the story)<br />THIRD PARAGRAPH: "Thanks to the charm protecting LeGrand’s Carnival Fantastic, apprentice carpenter Alan is preternaturally lucky."<br />So then if he’s lucky because of the charm, then he’s NOT lucky! There was an intervening force at work, right?<br /><br />BIO: As nice as this sounds, nobody cares that much until you get published—then put that on your Amazon author page. Instead, give us any writing credits, along with comp titles.<br /><br />The sample ended on a good tense note for me. I wanted to read on.<br />Best of luck,<br />Spike (M.P.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-77574949027977694592014-09-24T15:05:37.548-06:002014-09-24T15:05:37.548-06:00Interesting premise, but I don't believe Alan ...Interesting premise, but I don't believe Alan has had NO negative things happen to him. Makes him sound one dimensional. Unless he ISN'T real?<br />You have a typo in the title of your query letter.<br /><br />I like Emma's snarky voice, but some readers might be put off by profanity in the first sentence. I know it is Emma's voice, and it's necessary for credibility of character, but maybe not the first line.<br /><br />Best of luck!<br />LauraLaura Moehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04827474421798014522noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-71896705553708537502014-09-24T11:08:26.077-06:002014-09-24T11:08:26.077-06:00Thanks for the input, Waugh. Unfortunately, the t...Thanks for the input, Waugh. Unfortunately, the typos come from me sending my entry from my phone and not double checking it before hitting send. :/Jaimenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-88522974511937074472014-09-24T10:26:07.188-06:002014-09-24T10:26:07.188-06:00I like the way the query sets up the double point ...I like the way the query sets up the double point of view. I'd like a bit of a further explanation of why she's "deprived of her family and friends" - it makes it seem more fantastical and less contemporary. Fix the "an" in the title and the "howling a painfully." <br /><br />Most of the advice I read is not to include the details like you do in your bio, but I'm sure it's agent by agent.Music That Doesn't Suckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06715377244101311142noreply@blogger.com