tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post5058995899650502905..comments2024-02-27T03:36:20.256-07:00Comments on Krista Van Dolzer: An Agent's Inbox #41Krista Van Dolzerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-44309695673686340342011-09-30T18:20:44.998-06:002011-09-30T18:20:44.998-06:00I remember seeing this elsewhere, and it sounded g...I remember seeing this elsewhere, and it sounded great there, too! The first pages, especially, are really nicely written, and make me want to read on.<br /><br />I have to admit that the query took me a couple read-throughs to understand what was going on, just because it involves so many unfamiliar elements at once. Don't get me wrong, it sounds awesome once I understand it, but I wonder if it could be slightly simplified in the query, and allow more of the cool story elements to come through in the MS?Maggie Hallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17378337707268580252noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-8445065994919058792011-09-29T15:03:58.336-06:002011-09-29T15:03:58.336-06:00I'm a big sf fan, but I have to say that based...I'm a big sf fan, but I have to say that based on the query I could not hold the story premise within my head. I just don't understand what it's about, and it feels so complex that I'm almost afraid to try. So my advice would be to streamline your pitch down to the essential elements, and let the more complex issues come out within the story, where they will be explained and unfold naturally, rather than trying to pack them all in here. <br /><br />The opening paragraphs also give me a very different feel from the query pitch. Perhaps, based on the fact that Dirt is still alive, the characters are younger at this point? To me, this whole thing feels like something I want to like and therefore would try to read on a little further, but it would need to grab me quickly as it's right on the edge for me.The Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-75569907824276459542011-09-28T15:43:40.732-06:002011-09-28T15:43:40.732-06:00I already read TN and I'd read it all over aga...I already read TN and I'd read it all over again based on that query. For real, great job.Gina Cioccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18024256412233972412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-31745578936660621762011-09-28T14:17:34.477-06:002011-09-28T14:17:34.477-06:00I love the first page. I want to read on. WHERE IS...I love the first page. I want to read on. WHERE IS MORE?<br /><br />Er. Right. But your query was a bit confusing. It needs to be streamlined. I love the premise though and how being hosts to these aliens inside them sort of give them special abilities? At least that's the impression I got.<br /><br />I'm afraid I'm going to be useless and just say you need to make your query clearer and more concise, but your writing is wonderful and I'd request on that alone. You wouldn't happen to be looking for beta readers, would you? *cough*Lori M. Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04858438789496971734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-81982313957431537972011-09-28T14:16:58.462-06:002011-09-28T14:16:58.462-06:00This comment has been removed by the author.Lori M. Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04858438789496971734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-52331385757235324532011-09-28T13:37:40.170-06:002011-09-28T13:37:40.170-06:00I love your work. Everything I've read from yo...I love your work. Everything I've read from you grabs my interest. I remember reading more of this somewhere (prob. WriteOnCon?) and it still sticks in my head. Great job.Jenny Kaczorowskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00289053983485597342noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-42350423155842330212011-09-28T10:14:49.221-06:002011-09-28T10:14:49.221-06:00Critique Partner, just here to cheerlead. Go Chess...Critique Partner, just here to cheerlead. Go Chessie Go! Wooot!Leigh Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15827971896088856057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-20931487353273276862011-09-28T10:08:21.194-06:002011-09-28T10:08:21.194-06:00I really enjoyed your first page, but I was totall...I really enjoyed your first page, but I was totally confused by the query. I love the first line, and the pacing was great. I would read more of this novel based on the first page. But there's too much going on for me in the query right now. Amity is a host to an alien. The alien is known at The Watcher (why?). Why is she then the only person on Earth who can defeat Damien Faust, and why does it matter that he a pirate? Pirate? Then there's Dirt and he's dead and he and Faust look identical. Whoa. I realize that you have a very complex story here. Is all of this necessary to know in order to want to know more....?Roxannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07658908428084914909noreply@blogger.com