tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post4653209196221416261..comments2024-02-27T03:36:20.256-07:00Comments on Krista Van Dolzer: An Agent's Inbox #7Krista Van Dolzerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-38103672328634654672013-04-15T19:26:27.101-06:002013-04-15T19:26:27.101-06:00I love how concise and tight your query is. It'...I love how concise and tight your query is. It's a bit confusing when you say when she got there Marie wasn't there and then she "must follow her to London"??? Unclear that Marie was heading to London (and why?) Feels like Marguerite is spending the whole novel riding all around England looking for her sister. (is she?)<br /><br />The major piece your query is missing and I HOPE your novel isn't missing is romance/love interest. Historical fiction can be tough in the YA market, especially when it doesn't include magical realism, so it must include love interest. <br /><br />Your opening material is nicely paced and well written. I'd personally like the tone to be a bit darker, the descriptions richer, in order to truly be for the older audience and not Middle Grade. But I'm interested in reading more and it's a very nice start.Melissa Sarverhttp://www.foliolit.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-90497439678118264892013-04-11T23:06:06.029-06:002013-04-11T23:06:06.029-06:00I'm a fan of smooth, beautiful writing, and yo...I'm a fan of smooth, beautiful writing, and you definitely have it here! I also love the promise of mystery. <br /><br />I like that your query focuses on the main plotline without meandering all over the country, so to speak. <br /><br />I agree with the other commenters:<br />1- Why does Marguerite feel compelled to pursue Marie? Why were they separated at birth? Is Marie in danger? I think knowing a bit more about Marie and why Marguerite would risk a dangerous journey to find her would help me care more about the story. I think answering these questions at least a little would help lengthen your query.<br /><br />2-Why did she break off her engagement? He sounds like a major creep, but weren't betrothals almost as big as the actual marriage ceremony back then?<br /><br />3- What was Marguerite's "place," and how would Marie usurp it? Is she royalty, and Marie the older twin?<br /><br />Again, I think it's a simple matter of adding a few details to know more about the background in the query letter, and we'll be drawn in.<br /><br />I'd want to read more! :-)<br /><br />E.D.<br />Post #6 Elizabeth Dimithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04872406829148964831noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-85963505727380376362013-04-11T21:21:30.279-06:002013-04-11T21:21:30.279-06:00I was surprised by how short your query seemed. I...I was surprised by how short your query seemed. I kept reading, expecting more, but then it jumped right into your bio. With your query, I didn't feel like you'd laid out the stakes. I have an idea of what the story is about but I was left wanting more in order to make a decision about it. Also, I had to reread the line where you mentioned the books you enjoy. I felt this was a bit odd thrown in there as it's usually a comparison.<br /><br />Your 250 was excellent! Your writing is very strong and I enjoyed it. I would definitely keep reading.<br /><br />Best of luck! :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03300464291611313103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-71526261054001498162013-04-10T15:44:07.104-06:002013-04-10T15:44:07.104-06:00I'm an HF fan so I just had to jump in here. ...I'm an HF fan so I just had to jump in here. I agree with previous posters about the proportion between the story description and the bio. I also was a little confused about your mention of the two books in the last para. You love elements of those books, but you don't actually connect them to your books. Is your book like those books? If so, I think you should be more direct - usually done something like "my novel may appeal to readers of XXXX".<br /><br />In terms of the story description, I want to know more about Marie - she is intriguing to me but all I know is that she isn't in Caterbury (and so how does Marguerite know to go to London?). It seems like you have described an interesting setup but stop describing before some really interesting stuff starts happening.<br /><br />Good luck, fellow HF-er!<br />Connie Mayohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10415830564733522931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-87099783527083819272013-04-10T14:36:59.293-06:002013-04-10T14:36:59.293-06:00This query is tight and sharp. I am impressed that...This query is tight and sharp. I am impressed that you have visited the very places that you have written about. Your bio is well-written and to the point. Nice job!<br /><br />#19 A.W.Amy Whttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10642500583760335655noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-23697765454905783892013-04-10T14:11:44.232-06:002013-04-10T14:11:44.232-06:00I love historical fiction, so you've got me ho...I love historical fiction, so you've got me hooked right there. However, I'd like to see a little more detail in the synopsis part of your query. How would Marie usurp Marguerite's place? Why does Marguerite feel the need to follow Marie to London? Does Marguerite have a specific goal/desire, other than trying to find her sister? <br /><br />Your bio is very impressive. For the last paragraph of the query, with your comp titles, I'd suggest including an example of YA historical fiction, or even YA fantasy set in a medieval time period, to give me an idea of other books like yours that are already out there.Carla Luna Cullenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10245197620080383172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-23066203269087596832013-04-10T12:47:03.107-06:002013-04-10T12:47:03.107-06:00Excellent query. Concise and to the point. Also,...Excellent query. Concise and to the point. Also, love the plot. I would request this in a heartbeat.Laura Edwardsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-66275215172297214232013-04-10T11:49:59.606-06:002013-04-10T11:49:59.606-06:00I think the synopsis portion of your query is a li...I think the synopsis portion of your query is a little too short - your bio is just about as long.<br /><br />I'd like to know why Marguerite keeps looking for Marie after London. If she was just doing it out of pity's sake, couldn't the initial search be enough to satisfy her? I want to know why she decides to keep searching.<br /><br />The Earl of Felgor made me perk up my ears (or eyes). Could you expand on his treachery? How did he cause her father's death? Is he an expert tracker, and that's how he's finding her so far from home? <br /><br />The writing sample paints a vivid picture - I could see her climbing the tree in my head. I'm not a historical buff, but if I knew more about the plot I'd probably keep reading :)<br /><br />Good Luck!<br /><br />JL<br />#29Jenna Lehnehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05713120866375577654noreply@blogger.com