tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post4029677278883767914..comments2024-02-27T03:36:20.256-07:00Comments on Krista Van Dolzer: An Agent's Inbox #17Krista Van Dolzerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-71099348926530870582017-03-27T10:29:01.110-06:002017-03-27T10:29:01.110-06:00This sounds like fun. I'm interested to find o...This sounds like fun. I'm interested to find out what happens. I like MC's feisty. I don't curtsy.BCWnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-87237338098975876092017-03-26T00:37:58.268-06:002017-03-26T00:37:58.268-06:00This is a great first paragraph - I was intrigued,...This is a great first paragraph - I was intrigued, I read straight through to the end, and I have a very good sense of what your book is about. The one thing I'm unclear about is age range, though I'm going to guess it's adult.<br /><br />Oooh I like the idea of time-travel and Norse Gods in present day Boston! Definitely intrigued. I like the brevity of your query - it's short, sweet and to the point and tells me almost everything I need to know - but I would like to have known earlier on that this is adult fantasy or time travel or whatever you want to call it, and I'd love to see some comp titles, but in general I'm certainly intrigued enough to read on!<br /><br />The text:<br /><br />Okay I totally love the voice here. It's playful with a promise of snark, well written, your descriptions are spot on and they really set the stage - I have a clear image in my mind now of where they are and what's going on. I continue to be intrigued.<br /><br />I really like the snark of your character and the voice is clear and interesting. I'd definitely read on. Curious to see where you take this and if the good writing holds up.The Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-78819640999789236102017-03-24T14:31:50.914-06:002017-03-24T14:31:50.914-06:00This comment has been removed by the author.Hannah R. Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10896126232902777088noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-49182451584027458432017-03-23T13:32:41.155-06:002017-03-23T13:32:41.155-06:00This definitely sounds like a fun, magical read. I...This definitely sounds like a fun, magical read. Is the main part of the story set in Boston? I feel like there may be too much backstory in the query before getting to the real stakes. In the first 250 words, I think there might be another place you could start to give it a little more "punch." But I do like how bada$$ the character comes across immediately!Jennifer K.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-69235365485858697322017-03-23T07:40:12.657-06:002017-03-23T07:40:12.657-06:00This type of story is right up my alley, so I was ...This type of story is right up my alley, so I was a little biased in your favor even before I got to the pages. It sounds like a fun, romp read and I liked the metallic/metal-woker imagery throughout the first 250. Clang, bellow, iron, silver, etc. :) I also think you got your character's voice across well in your query! I'd like to read more of this, for sure. MJ Marshallnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-16925487192159209612017-03-22T19:08:12.504-06:002017-03-22T19:08:12.504-06:00Query: Interesting premise, and I loved the stakes...Query: Interesting premise, and I loved the stakes. I feel like you might have had one too many names in it, but that might just be me. <br /><br />250: The first paragraph is tell-y. The first sentence doesn't really draw me in and strikes me as a "You wanna hear a story? I'll tell you one" opening. Bring us into the moment with your MC. Don't tell us about her story, just tell us the story. :) Also, careful of said bookisms. Try to use 'said' or 'asked' rather than 'echoed' or 'offered' or 'commanded'. I'd also like to get more of a feel of your MC's voice in this first page. Really immerse us in her head.<br /><br />Great start though. I'd definitely keep reading. Good luck! :)K.https://www.blogger.com/profile/04446642823149090759noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-28406672213433862792017-03-22T15:42:25.039-06:002017-03-22T15:42:25.039-06:00The concept of this intrigued me a lot, and I real...The concept of this intrigued me a lot, and I really wanted to read the pages. However, I did find the opening a little less than I expected. The description of Valhalla actually is what I'd have expected it to be. However, I liked your gutsy main character, so would have read more. This totally piques my interest. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-52025082234235779952017-03-22T10:21:47.028-06:002017-03-22T10:21:47.028-06:00This comment has been removed by the author.Fiona McLarenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09730690752465797790noreply@blogger.com