tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post3124176012546606691..comments2024-02-27T03:36:20.256-07:00Comments on Krista Van Dolzer: An Agent's Inbox #2Krista Van Dolzerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-14136141260822858842016-08-09T00:05:13.223-06:002016-08-09T00:05:13.223-06:00This is a voicey, engaging query with a lot of per...This is a voicey, engaging query with a lot of personality that just isn't quite a match mostly because it has several elements (Hollywood/celebrities, fairy tale retellings, Romeo and Juliet retelling) that often don't tend to be for me. Now, I'd always rather the author err on the side of trying me if it's a genre I represent. The worst I can say is no, and I've certainly been surprised in the past by queries that take an element I'm not necessarily drawn to and convince me I want to give it a try. But in this case, although I think the author has a nice voice for YA, it just doesn't feel like a "me" book, so I would pass.<br /><br />One small note: the author mentions that they looked at my MSWL, which is great, but I'm not entirely sure what in my MSWL profile called to them -- if you're going to reference that site, it's great to go one step further with the personalization and tell me what you see as matching up with what I'm looking for. Patricia Nelsonhttp://www.marsallyonliteraryagency.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-44357899762276606512016-08-03T22:21:34.386-06:002016-08-03T22:21:34.386-06:00Your concept and query are both quite strong. That...Your concept and query are both quite strong. That said, I found myself a bit bogged down, which makes me think this could be even better.<br /><br />In the query, I got bogged down with the number of names, but when I counted, you only named three characters. On re-reading, I think the names of the record company, the reference to Joseph and Peter Max made my brain overload. I've heard that two or three named characters is a suggested maximum for a query, and technically you meet that. But because of the other names (I am guessing), I started to feel lost even though the plot description wasn't overly complicated.<br /><br />I found the first 250 a bit confusing, though I think it is a great place to start. We don't meet Uncle in the query, and also have no clue why they are setting up for a BASE jump from a tower. It was also odd that he'd be over the launch pedal during a safety check without a chute on, especially after the opening line is about packing one chute. And is the Slinging Seven a band? Or the name of a daredevil group? I'm expecting music references, so I'm making the assumption it is a band, which doesn't help me understand the connection to BASE jumping. <br /><br />Again, I think the concept, query and opening are all strong, but lingering confusion makes me think some tweaks would improve things further.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00646952181181905166noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-45717610183386606952016-08-03T16:35:32.949-06:002016-08-03T16:35:32.949-06:00I love your concept and it's totally something...I love your concept and it's totally something I would read. I agree with above that while the query is humorous, it was pretty difficult to follow. Simplify a bit and consider how hard it's making a reader work to figure out what the story is about. Good luck! Loved it!Ranee`https://www.blogger.com/profile/08982272894927029549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-39130611752475774162016-08-03T15:58:08.052-06:002016-08-03T15:58:08.052-06:00Here are my thoughts, hope they help:
I'm not...Here are my thoughts, hope they help:<br /><br />I'm not sure why you're mentioning the MSWL unless you found a match between what the agent wants and your book.<br /><br />Your query has a funny and cheerful flavor. I liked it! At the end, I wanted a few more details about the competition to flesh out the plot for me: why is this audition so important and what does the heroine need rescuing from?<br /><br />For the first 250 words: nice, exciting place to begin! However, the description of the scene was sparse, requiring careful reading to follow what was going on. Since B.A.S.E is such a new concept, it needs a bit more explaining.<br /><br />Good luck!<br /><br />K.T.Katherine T.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16694801421672317076noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-13064930541521063082016-08-03T12:58:08.440-06:002016-08-03T12:58:08.440-06:00My comment applies to the sample: While I applaud ...My comment applies to the sample: While I applaud the use of interesting verbs, I found the series of hard sounds in succesion difficult to read. Try reading this out loud and you will see where it sounds choppy.Laura Moehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04827474421798014522noreply@blogger.com