tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post2236643948314807272..comments2024-02-27T03:36:20.256-07:00Comments on Krista Van Dolzer: An Agent's Inbox #10Krista Van Dolzerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-25591370988692814382011-07-28T21:22:13.455-06:002011-07-28T21:22:13.455-06:00Thanks for the valuable feedback everyone:) @ Agen...Thanks for the valuable feedback everyone:) @ Agent--I actually do know someone named Random Lee, as well as Tru Lee, and they were part of the inspiration for this story. Yes, it is odd but as a school teacher, I've seen lots of weird names & no doubt we hear about plenty of unusual names in Hollywood. Of course their weird names are a starting point for friendship, but it becomes much more than that. Thanks for the bit on comparison-I've heard agents love & hate them, as you say. I definately could do away with it though. <br /><br />As for some of the story comments--it's not quiet and sentimental at all so I guess I'm really gonna need to fix this query. FYI--Random doesn't die. That's why I put that line in there about it being treatable. The part about losing her soul-mate forever is more about getting the courage herself to tell him she loves him.<br />AH! Back to the keyboard!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-34081323574044120182011-07-28T12:21:23.365-06:002011-07-28T12:21:23.365-06:00J.A. - The first thing I said to myself when readi...J.A. - The first thing I said to myself when reading this was "no one is named Random." You can't pass this off as a weird name because it's not a name at all. Having the characters bond over their names doesn't seem like a strong enough basis for a relationship, and as I kept reading this query, I kept asking myself what the other one was getting out of the other's company. What is it about their personalities that draw them to each other? I think, for me, the story seems too quiet and sentimental, so I'd pass on it. When you research agents, make sure comparisons to "A Walk to Remember" will work in your favor. For me, it's a turn off, but other agents might think otherwise.The Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-26418627486911255962011-07-28T07:57:57.416-06:002011-07-28T07:57:57.416-06:00I like both the query and the pages - good idea an...I like both the query and the pages - good idea and strong writing. The one thing I notice in the query is that I'm not sold on how a list that Olga comes up with for Random can lead to her possibly losing her soul-mate...(it sounds like a fun list). And as others said, I don't think you need to reveal that he secretly loves her, too.<br /><br />On the subject of comparisons - I think you should use them in a query and I didn't have a problem with yours.<br /><br />On the page - I know you want to bring up the name right away, but as her best friend, Nic would certainly know how much Olga hates hers, so would she use it in casual conversation?<br /><br />Good luck!erica and christyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13074820593371226159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-8059254949713345172011-07-28T07:57:40.993-06:002011-07-28T07:57:40.993-06:00I loved the query! It seemed so effortless in its ...I loved the query! It seemed so effortless in its description and the story sounds really sweet to me.<br /><br />I was prepared for the same sort of voice on the page and the first paragraph sort of threw me off, maybe because it's so crammed with info and sort of forced in a way the query isn't(?) But I like the dialogue that comes after, though I wasn't sure if she was dying her hair red (slasher movie comment) or black ("hair turning darker" and "devoid of brown and gold" comments) I love the part about her name!<br /><br />Sounds like a great story!Perrihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08485133856416996635noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-29890659460661403552011-07-27T17:21:51.880-06:002011-07-27T17:21:51.880-06:00Sounds like a great story- love the list of 18 thi...Sounds like a great story- love the list of 18 things. But the query was a little long, wordy. It feels like you're giving away the end of the book in the query. <br />And it's probably just me- I have a thing with names- but the name "Random" is difficult for me. I know that's your point- they bond over their weird names- but I just can't get it. It stops me.Melanie Stanfordhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00065112319140571241noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-18420333907036688262011-07-27T13:45:47.756-06:002011-07-27T13:45:47.756-06:00You could cut the first paragraph and a half and I...You could cut the first paragraph and a half and I wouldn't have missed anything. It would still make sense and you'd sharpen the query (which you need to do). I really like the idea, but I'd like to get a better sense of Olga and Random's personalities, not just the long standing crush. As other's have pointed out, comparisons are a no-no. Let your work speak for itself and you'll do great! :D Good luck!Johttp://twitter.com/TheFroshWriternoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-63510568812118675762011-07-27T12:52:59.610-06:002011-07-27T12:52:59.610-06:00Your query definitely makes me want to read it, an...Your query definitely makes me want to read it, and I love your sample pages. "My parents wanting to honor my Russian grandmother, they dubbed me Olga Worontzoff. They had good intentions, but whatever, the world is full of those" - cracks me up. It's smart to throw humor in there so the somewhat grim subject matter doesn't seem overwhelming.Ruhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04217026218961932530noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-37173954439316436612011-07-27T12:26:13.872-06:002011-07-27T12:26:13.872-06:00This sounds like a beautiful and heartbreaking sto...This sounds like a beautiful and heartbreaking story.<br /><br />Query: I like the bit of detail you gave about what's on the list.<br /><br />Half of the third paragraph is about lessons. Maybe instead you could show us that she has a choice between avoiding pain or being happy with him for a short time before he dies.<br /><br />I don't think you need to compare it to the bucket list or walk to remember. It's a given (plus a walk to remember is also YA). Also the first sentence in the last paragraph may not be necessary.<br /><br />Sample: I like this sample. Good character and voice. There are a couple grammatical errors to fix though. I like the best friend. She sounds blunt and fun. Random question- why doesn't she go by her middle name? Or does she and we don't find out until later?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03308347645723660613noreply@blogger.com