tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post2212583382374408499..comments2024-02-27T03:36:20.256-07:00Comments on Krista Van Dolzer: An Agent's Inbox #19Krista Van Dolzerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-47848427309734125792012-04-27T08:51:01.452-06:002012-04-27T08:51:01.452-06:00This has been done. The premise is not strong enou...This has been done. The premise is not strong enough to catch my eye. Not sure if I like the fact that the whole novel is in emails.Katie Sheahttp://twitter.com/#!/AgentSheanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-71033886756436280172012-04-26T20:48:49.989-06:002012-04-26T20:48:49.989-06:00Wow - thank you all for your generous comments! Yo...Wow - thank you all for your generous comments! Your observations and suggestions have been extremely helpful.<br /><br />I have struggled mightily with this query, writing and rewriting, trying to get it somewhere near right, with only limited success. My novel doesn't "tell" well. It's really about the relationships between all the friends and how they ineract. Stuff happens, but it's more about their voices and their friendship. That's why I went with the list format - not standard, but I struggled with how else to approach it. Everything else I tried ended up being even worse! As Lori noted, I need to get an agent to look at the writing instead of the query - but that's a wee challenge, eh? Gah!<br /><br />As for Sara and Sarah H. - one of the challenges with this format was making the voices so distinct that you wouldn't have to look at the subject line to see who was talking. If you were to get into it (and not everyone can, for sure), you would never confuse Sara and Sarah H! <br /><br />Cari and Janelle - Monica isn't usually this hyper - I think she just had a good day and was excited to share. And Janelle - she's had limited conversations about the babymaking stuff with her friends, but she's really just getting into the public recognition that this is a problem. You know how people keep it a bit if secret when they're trying, and then they make the big announcement after the three month mark - but Monica's starting to reach out as she's getting quite concerned.<br /><br />Melinda - that's a great point about offering my own opinions. In a previous iteration, the frank/funny/poignant/pissed off was used to describe the conversations/e-mails themselves, but it got changed to describing the book. Argh - too much cutting and pasting!<br /><br />Valerie - great idea about the parallel list. I do have the dates and will add the times eventually. I don't know why I removed the date here - oops! (I spent hours and hours on the dates and timelines.)<br /><br />James - I glanced at Holly's Inbox to see if it was similar to mine but didn't read it - I was worried about accidentally incorporating stuff from it. I think it was more about work and 20-somethings though, if I recall correctly...<br /><br />JeffO - Yes, there was considerable freedom, but is came with a lot of work! One of the characters typed quickly and carelessly, one made grammar and spelling errors - getting their mistakes "right" took a lot of effort! It was fun though...<br /><br />Thank you all again for your help - and a million thanks to Krista for all she does for us!<br /><br />JodiJodi R.https://www.blogger.com/profile/06112711654628387634noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-27258713562544717512012-04-26T17:31:39.768-06:002012-04-26T17:31:39.768-06:00Interesting concept--sounds like it'd be a goo...Interesting concept--sounds like it'd be a good read.<br /><br />I'm in the camp who is not crazy about the query style. If you stick with it, I'd suggest dropping the long list of names right away. Don't think it's necessary, especially since you reference them all below<br /><br />I'd also be concerned about the length and would try tighten it up a little.<br /><br />Good luck.Suzihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16502606950280751205noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-78443256674144200132012-04-26T09:07:01.183-06:002012-04-26T09:07:01.183-06:00This is one of those queries that seems to 'br...This is one of those queries that seems to 'break the rules' of query-writing I keep reading all over the place, but it worked on me. But, I think you need to be a little more explicit when referencing 'the scariest challenge of all.' I know the query is not the place for revealing all, but I think you need a little more there than you're giving.<br /><br />The sample is fun, and the format gives you license to be creative with punctuation, grammar, etc. (glorious freedom!), but I'm not sure I'd be able to read an entire book like this.JeffOhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07947660745120963286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-19256231808177904012012-04-26T05:55:58.734-06:002012-04-26T05:55:58.734-06:00I liked your writing, thought you may have to shoo...I liked your writing, thought you may have to shoot for an agent who reads the actual writing instead of just the query. I believe you query letter could use a little tightening up. <br /><br />Perhaps joining a query critique group would help get your letter in tip top shape. The part of the query that doesn't work for me is the name dumping in the very first part of the letter.Lori L. Clark Arthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03109552079979163546noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-14128196979380107362012-04-25T20:57:54.478-06:002012-04-25T20:57:54.478-06:00I enjoyed the first 250 a lot -- fun voice, very n...I enjoyed the first 250 a lot -- fun voice, very natural, and I like the modern twist on the epistolary novel. (Ever read Holly's Inbox? It's great, and this reminds me of that.)<br /><br />I think the query could be reworked to introduce the charm of the story better, though. The list of what goes on during their crazy year reads just like a list, like we're being told about the characters rather than introduced to them. And I think the thematic wrap-up at the end, followed by the this-meets-that comparison, could be left out. I think the story should tell itself, but it's good that YOU know exactly how you want to book to be positioned in the marketplace. <br /><br />Nice work.James Kooncehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06270908158401658440noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-57377282112950561792012-04-25T18:17:14.526-06:002012-04-25T18:17:14.526-06:00You know, I like the list. I think it breaks the r...You know, I like the list. I think it breaks the rules, but lays out each character piece. Something to consider: I think you should make your list parallel-- so either start each bullet with the character name.<br /><br />I'm a young adult writer, but I would pick this up and read it! I like novels written entirely in email, Meg Cabot's Boy Meets Girl comes to mind. <br /><br />Just don't forget to include dates/times sent--that will help with your pacing.<br /><br />Good luck!Valeriehttp://www.valerie-cole.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-15503012297625791432012-04-25T15:15:21.212-06:002012-04-25T15:15:21.212-06:00I agree with the concerns of the other commenters,...I agree with the concerns of the other commenters, but I do think this could be an interesting story.<br /><br />One other thing, I've heard many, many times from agents that you should not offer opinions on your own work within a query, such as "Always frank and funny, at times poignant or pissed off." I would just stick with the Sex and the City comparison.Melindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17182951575531989338noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-66684868342951541152012-04-25T14:49:36.051-06:002012-04-25T14:49:36.051-06:00While not a fan of Sex and the City, I like the id...While not a fan of Sex and the City, I like the idea of the book being written via emails. I, too, question having 2 characters w/the same name. The writing is strong. Good luck.Mary Vettelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16095755720390348707noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-52283053820278688582012-04-25T14:26:52.609-06:002012-04-25T14:26:52.609-06:00I think the writing here is really strong. I have ...I think the writing here is really strong. I have to agree with Cari, the voice of Monica is a bit frenetic & maybe a bit much right off the bat. I'm also wondering about the way she introduces the baby-making details on her friends in this letter; has she talked to her friends about this before? It feels a little free-floating right now--I know she's been "incommunicado," but is this conversation at all continued from a past one?<br /><br />Overall, my gut reaction is "interested." I like the variety of characters you've created & I think the query outlines the tensions in the novel nicely.Janellenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-62253886808431640222012-04-25T12:48:38.140-06:002012-04-25T12:48:38.140-06:00Interesting idea. I like letters as part of a manu...Interesting idea. I like letters as part of a manuscript, but not sure about that technique for an entire book. Would suggest reading Carol Shields' Celibate Season, written as a series of letters. I found discovering most events in past tense, as is natural with writing letters, got boring for me as a reader. <br /><br />I'm also curious about how what they don't say can be revealing, if the novel is entirely told through e-mails. Maybe some e-mails aren't to everyone? When I read that I think there must be some self-reflective or omniscient POV, but you say it's all e-mails, in which case everything has to be said. <br /><br />I agree there's lots of characters to keep track of, especially when two are named Sara/h. <br /><br />On the excerpt, I think I would be exhausted by a friend like Monica, even with half the exclamation marks. But it does make me intrigued about the other characters - how do they put up w/her?<br />Good luck!<br />CariCarihttp://www.carinoga.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-12330099204831145022012-04-25T12:43:55.900-06:002012-04-25T12:43:55.900-06:00I actualy liked the query but wasn't crazy abo...I actualy liked the query but wasn't crazy about the voice in the email. I do question having two Sara/h's in the book. Seems like a recipe for confusion. The stories seem really interesting, taking from real life, which I personally think is awesome.Kathleen Basihttp://www.kathleenbasi.com/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-13158172956067664672012-04-25T12:22:30.002-06:002012-04-25T12:22:30.002-06:00I like the natural, humorous voice in the sample a...I like the natural, humorous voice in the sample and I think telling to story through e-mail could work well.<br /><br />The query didn't do too much for me though. If felt more like a list of characters than something telling me about the book, and after reading it, I'm not sure I know what is going to happen to this bunch.Kate Larkindalehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06202347563426692610noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-52482683236952558252012-04-25T09:37:24.909-06:002012-04-25T09:37:24.909-06:00This line made me laugh: "Babymaking… or rath...This line made me laugh: "Babymaking… or rather NOT-babymaking… errr, well there is excessive making, just no baby." This is a sensitive topic for many women, but it is handled nicely with humor here and piqued my interest in this character.<br /><br />Regarding the query, the "bullet point" style of it put me off a bit. Perhaps this is just me, but I associate lists with tasks and work. When I read a query or the back of a book cover, I don't want to have that association. I want to have the sense that I'm being drawn into someone's world...Susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03861057324766914245noreply@blogger.com