tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post174527004137399617..comments2024-02-27T03:36:20.256-07:00Comments on Krista Van Dolzer: An Agent's Inbox #1Krista Van Dolzerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-77342815405257797152016-10-27T22:37:17.562-06:002016-10-27T22:37:17.562-06:00I love the concept of this and it is very much som...I love the concept of this and it is very much something I would read. I like that it's dark and twisty. That being said, the query is a lot of information and a little overwhelming. It starts out really awesome and you have some great elements that could be condensed in to making this really hook an agent (or whoever is reading the query)-- The demon without the heart and fact that she gives hers to him and then later starts to fall in love with him, despite his evil intentions. <br />But I was confused about whether or not she became the demon until the courtship thing came up, and I'm confused by how she is living without a heart (especially when you reference her death meaning something). And the last line is a little out of the blue because I have no idea who these three characters are. Condensing it down a bit would make it much more "give me more"! :) And the flip side, a little more expanding on what you've got will create a KILLER synopsis. <br />And I like the first 250 words! <3 <3 I'll read this someday, I'm sure! Brianne Zwambagnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-85496394175929052862016-10-27T10:42:31.678-06:002016-10-27T10:42:31.678-06:00I loved this concept, I suppose I have a weak spot...I loved this concept, I suppose I have a weak spot for a demon as a love interested. I did find it a bit long, I wanted to keep going because it interested me but I felt I was forcing myself.<br /><br /> Overall I think it starts out great, it hooked me right away. Hope that was helpful.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16839510119870792025noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-14694180339193092212016-10-26T13:40:10.185-06:002016-10-26T13:40:10.185-06:00The query is well written. However, it's a bit...The query is well written. However, it's a bit long for my taste. Unfortunately, I am also not all that much into demons with missing hearts , so for that reason alone I would pass. <br /><br />Furthermore, the first sentence of the sample "The red sunset made the water dripping from Ebba’s dress resemble blood as the witchfinder dragged her past the window." reads awkward to me. I would advise to make that sentence stand out more.The Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-57572565186457950712016-10-26T10:11:17.658-06:002016-10-26T10:11:17.658-06:00I love this premise! Such an intriguing concept th...I love this premise! Such an intriguing concept that instantly makes me want to know more. The only thing I can think of is maybe reviewing the body of your query a bit to see if you can make it more concise. Usually if you can shorten your bit about the plot to 2-3 paragraphs, agents tend to appreciate it more since they have so many to look through. But I love the story and want to know more! Christian Smithnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-35540587865051808312016-10-26T09:59:54.633-06:002016-10-26T09:59:54.633-06:00I definitely dig this query. It definitely sounds ...I definitely dig this query. It definitely sounds like my kind of story, and I love the moments where the voice really stands out (like with the severed head proposal). I do feel a bit confused about the jump between being made the demon's replacement servant and being forced into the tournament. There doesn't seem to be an explanation as to why she's entered. But the life-and-death tournament with a prize she doesn't even want while dealing with an unorthodox courtship sounds like great entertainment.<br /><br />The first 250 definitely gets us into the moment and has some nice description. I would definitely keep reading.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09216461222556322464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4250988928163509961.post-51483976444091957202016-10-26T09:07:02.918-06:002016-10-26T09:07:02.918-06:00I really like your query--the voice near the end i...I really like your query--the voice near the end is awesome, particularly about the marriage proposal/courtship. The last paragraph about the witch, knight, and god-king is interesting, but it feels like you're introducing new characters in the very end, which confused me for a bit. Is this a necessary conclusion, or can you just summarize them as "contestants"?<br /><br />As for the 250, I like the image you paint with the first sentence, but it feels a little long, maybe even clunky to me. Great way to drop us in the action without pushing too much info or world-building on us all at once. I really like your voice.Adriannenoreply@blogger.com